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r/oneliners @funnyoneliners

Hey, here you can find the best from r/oneliners

Joined August 2022
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r/oneliners@funnyoneliners
18 Apr 2023
12 AM doesn’t feel like the middle of the night anymore but 3 AM does.
3
3,233
Magic Johnson wasted the worlds best Porn Star name on a sports career
2
2,311
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
2
1,988
Buying an assault weapon for self-defense sounds a bit contradictory
1,739
Great aches from little toe corns grow.
1,492
There is a food that if only eaten once, gives you a headache for life: wedding cake.
1
1,107
The number of people older than you never increases
1
1,086
As a child, my mum told me I could be whoever I wanted when I grew up, but it turns out that this is called identity theft and is illegal.
2
1,059
Marriage is a combined effort of two persons in solving problems that did not exist before marriage.
1,006
A dyslexic person walks into a bra.
2
963
We all have silly hang-ups-- personally, I worry that one of my balls is bigger than the other two.
1
898
In a world where nothing but left hands exist, nothing is right.
834
If there’s sexual tension between two people who hate to miss out on things is that called FOMO-erotic?
1
794
I don’t feel very mature while wearing a diaper
768
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... especially if you throw it at him really hard!
1
2
738
I love contemplating morally ambiguous things like making it rain at a hurricane relief fund raiser.
705
A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef -mitch hedburg
679
I ordered some bundles of wood for my smoker and just like everything else, the apple was the most expensive.
646
Earth without art is just Eh…
1
640
Building a pyramid is easy up to a point.
618
Where did Grimace go?
591
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