Button pusher, mark maker, overthinker, dog petter, content marketer. In awe of my child. Frequently damp. Mostly harmless.
Joined May 2008
- Tweets 10,105
- Following 4,173
- Followers 5,673
- Likes 445
492 Photos and videos
3 Aug 2021
One thing I've learned from movies is that if you've finally managed to create a peaceful life for yourself, be very careful if someone offers you just one last job.
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1 Jun 2021
If you're ever in doubt and can't reach me, get me the lox and cream cheese on a plain bagel. If I've already eaten, I can save it for later.
Or salt bagel if they have it.
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31 Mar 2021
Before you criticize someone's shoes you should walk a mile in them, because they might be very comfortable and/or designed to correct some sort of orthopedic issue.
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30 Nov 2020
One of the best things about the holiday season is that if you shout "DON'T COME IN HERE!" people assume you're wrapping presents.
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3 Sep 2020
My inner five-year-old is constantly disappointed that coffee isn't chocolatey.
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15 Aug 2020
I think it took me so long to realize I was pretty good at doing simple math in my head because throughout the '70s and early '80s I was frequently told to "just multiply by 9/5 and add 32" as though that was no big deal.
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19 Mar 2020
"What time is your first call tomorrow?" is definitely not a question I ever thought I'd be asking my 12-year old.
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David B. Thomas retweeted
15 Mar 2020
More good humour from Italians stuck at home... 😂
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17 Mar 2020
My wife and I are playing a game to see who can embarrass the other one most during a video conference call.
Well, technically she doesn't know we are but she will in a minute.
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12 Mar 2020
I went to the sink after taking the garbage out and had a moment of confusion along the lines of, "Do we still wash our hands after stuff like this?"
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7 Mar 2020
I'm following the medical advice against touching my face and am only touching the faces of strangers.
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14 Feb 2020
This is really cool. I started watching F1 again in 2018 and now I have a team to pull for. (Although I've always liked Carlos Sainz, Jr. because of his dad.)
mclaren.com/racing/partners/…
8 Feb 2020
Waiter with peppermill: "Say how."
Diner: "I thought the expression was, 'Say when.'"
Waiter: "I don't know how this thing works."
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David B. Thomas retweeted
20 Aug 2016
The @exploratorium is a great place for kids and families, and an indie rock band name generator.
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12 Jan 2020
If I could learn to speak Dog, my first phrase would be, "Relax, I'm just going to the bathroom."
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2 Jan 2020
Just had to write the date for the first time in the new year. Nailed it.
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3 Dec 2019
I hadn't heard of Giving Tuesday before today. It's a nice idea. Our local public radio station seems especially fond of it.
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