Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food... He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune. His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humour and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died, all he would leave to Roger would be a cookie. But what a cookie. It was made with butter churned from milk from a yak milked by a virgin milkmaid on the highest field on a hidden Himalayan peak next to the ultimate source of the sacred Ganges River. It was made with flour harvested from plants of the single-grained EinKorn found growing on the site of a Neolithic Anatolian village and ground between millstones of Lapus Lazuli. It was made from eggs collected from Peahen nests in the remotest marshes of outback Australia. It was made from sugar boiled from a cane garden in a secret valley in New Guinea. It was flavoured with a vanilla pod from the mysterious and still sacred original Vanilla Vine found by the Totonac people when they arrived in the Mazatlán Valley on the Gulf Coast of Mexico in the 15th century. It had added flavour, as well, with chocolate chips made from the beans of a Cacao tree found on the site of a previously undiscovered Mayan temple. When Roger's grandfather died, the cookie was baked by Gordon Ramsey in a kitchen built exclusively for the purpose. It was the most expensive cookie ever baked, and its ingredients consumed the entire fortune. The lawyers delivered the cookie to the anorexic Roger as his entire inheritance. Understandably, all the other relatives were more than a little put out, and they paid Roger a visit. They all wanted their share of the fortune, but they couldn't find it because it had disappeared into the thin heir.

Don't make this mistake when buying beer:

Labour has just rolled out the red carpet for the world’s brazen criminals share.google/RY0hAIRO2p6hZ9H…

Mom: I can never completely remove the dirt stains on my kid baseball pants Dad: Say no more

Gazan doctors: She has Leukemia Israeli doctors: She has Leukemia Italian doctors: She has Leukemia The medical report: She died of Leukemia The BBC: Israel starved her to death

Monty Python's Life of Brian is 46 years old today. 13 Life of Brian Classic Moments - A THREAD Brian could well be the funniest movie ever made, and one clip alone won't do it justice. So dive into this thread and find out why Brian was a very naughty boy. You splitter! 1/

Who would win in a debate out of these two? 🇬🇧 Repost for Thatcher and Like for Starmer?

So I decided to write a blog post compiling all of his red flags 🚩 This man is not a safe adult (2/2) open.substack.com/pub/sarahs…

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac? He stayed awake all night wondering if there really is a dog

Ayaan Hirsi Ali once explained why Muslims frequently litter and disrespect public spaces: ‘As a translator for other Somalis who had arrived in Holland, I saw this phenomenon in various forms. One was simply the clash of cultures when immigrant Muslims and native-born Dutch lived in close proximity to one another. 'In apartment complexes, the Dutch were generally meticulous about keeping common spaces free of any litter. The immigrants, however, would throw down wrappers, empty Coca-Cola cans, and cigarette butts, or spit out the remnants of their chewed qat. 'The Dutch residents would grow incensed at this, just as they would grow incensed by the groups of children who would run about, wild and unsupervised, at all hours. It was easy for one family to have many children. (If a man can marry up to four wives and have multiple children with each of them, the numbers grow quickly.) 'The Dutch would shake their heads, and in reply the veiled mothers would simply shrug their shoulders and say that it was “God’s will.” Trash on the ground became “God’s will,” children racing around in the dark became “God’s will.” Allah has willed it to be this way; it is there because Allah has willed it. And if Allah has willed it, Allah will provide. It is an unbreakable ring of circular logic. 'There is a fatalism that creeps into one’s worldview when this life is seen as transitory and the next is the only one that matters. Why pick up trash, why discipline your children, when none of those acts is stored up for any type of reward? Those are not the behaviors that mark good Muslims; they have nothing to do with praying or proselytizing.' They believe that nothing is their responsibility. They do not plan for the future, or defer gratification. They treat the world beyond their doorstep as a wilderness, to dump rubbish in when the mood strikes. You do not understand how these people think. They will not produce the same civilisation as us.

The UK Office of Communications has allegedly issued a notice to 4chan with an intention to impose a 20,000 pound fine plus daily penalties 4chan’s lawyers dropped a response

From my very good friend Lt Col Simon Barry PARA… "I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being built in Dalton! I think it should be the goal of everyone living in Huddersfield to be tolerant regardless of their religious beliefs. Thus the mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance." "That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque; thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque. We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy," and the other, a topless bar, would be called "You Mecca Me Hot." "Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbecue pork restaurant, called " Iraq of Ribs." “Across the street there could be a lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret," with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods", and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered." "All of this would encourage Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of non Muslims.” Yes we should promote tolerance, and you can do your part by passing this on. And if you are not laughing or smiling at this point... It is either past your bedtime, or it's midnight at the oasis and time to put your camel to bed!!

This is how lSlS sold Yezidi women in slavery markets in Iraq, Syria and Turkey. 7,000 Yezidi women were kidnapped, raped and sold multiple times. Still 2599 Yezidis missing after 11 years.

An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students... She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up! After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly. The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time? Little Johnny replies: No ma’am, it’s just painful to see you standing all alone.

Just to be super clear about what these evil idiots are commemorating

THE USUAL SUSPECTS was released 30 years ago today. Acclaimed as one of the great thrillers of the 1990s – and with one of the great twists - the making of story will flip ya for real… 1/38

The difference between regular bass players and Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead

What has just happened?! 😱 That was an incredible save by Valentin Perrone, chapeau 👏 #MotoGP | #AustrianGP | Live on TNT Sports and Discovery

David Bowie on addiction. Words of wisdom. He was such a beautiful human being.

The unprivileged life of a poverty-stricken family in 1970s #Liverpool.