Time flies when you're having fun, a hotdog flies when you squeeze the bun
Joined October 2011
- Tweets 8,625
- Following 247
- Followers 181
- Likes 3,492
197 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
5 May 2014
Just saw a kid trying to break someone's lock to steal a bike. I said "hey don't do that, not cool" he said sorry and walked away #hero 🚲
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Abbey retweeted
Jan 15
god i’ve seen what you’ve done for verizon and need you to do it for outlook for like six hours
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Abbey retweeted
25 Oct 2024
Vikings fans (me) watching the refs miss the most facemask that ever facemask’d
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5 Sep 2024
Panera always sounds like the most mid food ever until I get sick, and then all the sudden it’s god tier #givemethesoup 🍲 🥖
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29 Jun 2024
Would love to understand how Dallas has much nicer LA fitness facilities than LA 🤔🤔🤔 oh wait - it’s the lack of homeless people living in the locker rooms lol 😅😬😅
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9 Jun 2024
Anyone who eats healthy food on airplanes is immediately sus 👀 #snacksondeck #pictureofhealth
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11 Apr 2024
Feels like there should be an option to turn on for the Apple Watch to tell it that I’m sick and don’t need to be constantly reminded that I could or should be exercising lol
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3 Feb 2024
Would love to understand the thought process of waking up and thinking ‘yes, I should get that neck tattoo I’ve been considering’ 🤔🤔🤔
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22 May 2023
RIP to my happy little @Swiffer who’s immensely useful life was cut short today ☹️ 6 apartments in 3 different states, this lil guy helped me keep things clean and sparkly. Onto the wet jet!? 🤔 #whatdopeoplecleanfloorswith
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3 Nov 2022
Honestly insane what a new pair of lulu aligns does for my mood 🤯🥹 -> 🤗🤩
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26 Oct 2022
Truly embarrassing the level of excitement I feel when I get an email from my favorite puzzle manufacturer letting me know they’re having a sale 🧩 #peacelovepuzzles @SpringbokPuzzle
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22 Oct 2022
When you go to get your hair TRIMMED and somehow walk out with a solid 4-5 inches less than you walked in with 💇🏼♀️🥲 #chilibowl
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17 Oct 2022
Forever trying to understand how Apple brags about how great their Apple Watch sleep tracking is, when any model that I’ve had literally has to be recharged every night lol. How’s it going to measure my sleep while it’s on the charger 😂
15 Oct 2022
I know I’m getting old and boring because I throughly believe that a clean kitchen, clean baseboards and a vacuumed apartment are the key components to a solid friday night #approaching30or60
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5 Oct 2022
In LA the difference between cheese and meat combo pizza is about $5 - $7, in Detroit it’s $.50. Damn it’s good to be back #dealsonwheels 🍕