Joined July 2023
- Tweets 282
- Following 180
- Followers 21
- Likes 15,628
17 Photos and videos
Alan Twochips retweeted
Jun 10
maybe your cat is meowing bc it wants a cigarette
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Alan Twochips retweeted
Jun 9
Children who used to spin until they were dizzy are now Alcoholics
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Alan Twochips retweeted
Jun 1
pro tip: to transfer a file quickly between computers just copy the file you want, disconnect your mouse, plug it into the other pc and paste
May 20
Teach me something I don't know
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Alan Twochips retweeted
Idea: An anonymous โvote to end meetingโ button on Teams where if 50% of people press it, the meeting ends immediately.
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Alan Twochips retweeted
Apr 3
If those astronauts go around the moon and can find no trace of Lisa Stansfieldโs baby then I really think thatโs it, weโve exhausted all lines of enquiry
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Alan Twochips retweeted
A life without petty grudges is not worth living
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Alan Twochips retweeted
9 Dec 2025
discovered recently 1 horsepower isn't even 1 horse, like a horse does not contain 1 horse of power. a single horse actually contains - on average - 5 to 6 horses. what the fuck are we even doing nothing means anything.
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Alan Twochips retweeted
8 Nov 2025
Numbers 1 to 10 in French all sound like the noise of a character getting punched in a computer game.
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Alan Twochips retweeted
9 Oct 2025
We should put the clocks back one hour every day so we constantly get an extra hour in bed instead of just being a once a year treat. That would do peopleโs wellbeing a world of good.
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Alan Twochips retweeted
28 Sep 2025
we live in age of great moral panics about things that donโt matter at all
and zero moral outrage over some of the most egregious societal sins weโve ever seen
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Alan Twochips retweeted
16 Aug 2025
THE PEOPLE YEARN FOR AFFORDABLE HOUSING
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Alan Twochips retweeted
3 Aug 2025
There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude
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Alan Twochips retweeted
14 Jul 2025
My sister keeps photoshopping her catโs face onto bees
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Alan Twochips retweeted
4 Jul 2025
if reincarnation is real, I wonder how many people stare at their own art in museums, listen to music they made in a different life, and read books they don't remember writing.
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Alan Twochips retweeted
29 Jun 2025
Former business owner here.
If your employees need to claim benefits to make ends meet, they aren't the benefit scroungers.
You are.
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Alan Twochips retweeted
2 Jun 2025
"WhY dO wE nEeD pRIdE mOnTh?"
This. This is why.
2 Jun 2025
Jonathan Joss, the voice of John Redcorn in โKing of The Hillโ, has sadly passed away at the age of 59 after being shot in a homophobic attack.
His husband has written the below statement.
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