stand up comedy, aerial circus, living stereotype. debut book, homo history, out now

Joined June 2010
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I couldn’t let Tulisa go into the jungle without schooling the girls on why you wronged her in the past While we watch #imaceleb for the Rooney v Vardy fighting….. let’s stick around for the NDubz thriving medium.com/@aaron_twitchen/w…
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Here here! Just ban filming in shops all together. It’s not needed
Imagine your most challenging day at work being filmed and posted online for thousands to see... 🎥📱 Filming retail workers is becoming an epidemic - we’re calling for an end to all recording in stores by the general public unless direct consent has been given 📵 Retail workers deserve respect, privacy and the right to do their jobs without fear of being publicly shamed, mocked or targeted online ❌
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Jade Thirwall never met a lumidee sample she didn’t like 🥰
Guess who… Beg For Me Remix TONIGHT at midnight LilyAllen.lnk.to/BegForMeRem…
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
Our local meeting at Kirklees Council a few days ago has become viral. Many people have seen the clips showing disagreement, frustration and confusion. What many have not seen is the full meeting, which remains available to watch online. Cllr Sarah Wood, leader of Reform in Kirklees, nominated herself to become Leader of the Council. During the meeting she stated that she did not understand the constitution, yet simultaneously accused others of acting unconstitutionally for following the AGM process and established procedures. To me, those two positions are difficult to reconcile. Cllr Wood also stated on camera, “We will make sure the residents know.” That language concerns me. When elected representatives publicly label councillors, officers or cross party colleagues as acting unconstitutionally without evidence, it risks creating a false narrative. Words matter. They carry weight. They influence public perception. I know all too well the real world consequences misinformation can have when it spreads locally. We have seen how narratives can take hold, how trust can be damaged and how individuals can become targets because of things that simply are not true. That is why I stood up. That is why I challenged what was being said. That is why I was passionate in my response. My only apology is to our newly elected Mayor. She conducted herself professionally throughout an extremely difficult meeting and ensured all sides had an opportunity to speak. She showed patience, fairness and leadership, and for that she deserves recognition. Our communities benefit when councillors, regardless of political affiliation, communicate, cooperate and work together in the interests of residents. Defamatory language, misinformation and a refusal to engage constructively do not help our communities. They do not solve problems, improve services or support residents facing real challenges in their daily lives. On Thursday, the Council’s responsibility is clear. The focus must be on electing a Leader who can provide stability, competence and direction. Residents expect serious leadership, not political theatre. They expect councillors to focus on the issues that matter: local services, public finances, community safety and the future of Kirklees. The people of Kirklees did not elect us to create division. They elected us to deliver results. That must remain the priority.
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While we’re celebrating and appreciating the return of Mis-teeq Can we please take a moment to admire the amazing photoshop job that perfectly blends Su-Elise legs directly into Aleshas arse No apologies. Design is my passion. 10/10. No notes
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
A rep for Britney Spears slams TMZ’s claims that she was “causing chaos” at a restaurant: “This is completely blown out of proportion. Britney was enjoying a quiet dinner with her assistant and bodyguard, telling a story about how her dog was barking at the neighbors. At no point did she put anyone in danger with a knife. She was simply cutting her hamburger in half. This constant attack on everything she does is exactly what happened 20 years ago, when the media tried to depict Britney as a bad person. This is ridiculous and it needs to stop now.”
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Icon! There’s a line that says “it’s not yet known what she went in for” We’ve all been there. You go in for batteries before you know if you’ve spent an hour in the garden centre, brought a set of wine glasses, 6 dryer sheets and had a shit in aisle 9
Police hunt woman who ‘pooed on shelf’ in shopping centre and just walked away trib.al/CiLKhK4
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Couples on MAFS will be like “this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me in my entire life” And it’s just a charcuterie board unwrapped from Morrisons GET BETTER FRIENDS. My bestie does this EVERY week. We have a rota
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
Subsidising meals in parliament for MPs and Peers costs the UK taxpayer up to £7 million a year. Despite the public facing huge food price inflation, we pay MPs & Peers to indulge on cheap fine dining. It’s time to remove taxpayer funded subsidies on parliamentary food.
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
Boomer pensioners have taken £1.20 out of the welfare state for ever £1 they've paid in.
🚨 WATCH: Nigel Farage formally commits to the state pension triple lock if Reform UK win the next election "The people to whom pensions are being paid, certainly compared to a younger generation today, are those who have actually worked and paid into the system"
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The biggest sign of inflation In 2006 we had 7 pussycat dolls. Now we only have 3
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She’s incredible because she does everything with genuine empathy, kindness and STILL keeps it movin’ and funny One of the best interviewers out there
Keke Palmer was SCARED when a stalker proposed to her mid-podcast and she realized it was NOT a prank 😳💀👀 “I can’t marry you, I don’t know you… I’m so sorry.”
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
love the uk system. £9,250 a year for uni. £50k debt before you even start. then once you earn enough to actually pay it back they hit you with 40% tax 2% ni 9% student loan. 51% marginal rate. but sure the problem is you bought a coffee this morning lol
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I saw a guy perve on some girls ass while I was perving on him and that is what I think equality should be
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It’s REALLY finding its way. Banging
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Why do the clocks always lose an hour during my weekend? It’s never at, say, 3pm on a Tuesday
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
The UK government calls £50,271 a “high earner” in London for tax purposes. The UK housing market calls £50k “not enough for a mortgage deposit in London.” Make it make sense.
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Just in a coffee shop and the fire alarm went off. Everyone froze and waited for it to stop How long you reckon we would have risked burning alive to avoid packing our purse? Are they even effective at this point?
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Never….. and I mean NEVER…. Would I have believed you if you told me we would get a PCD reunion before the new Sugababes album Can’t wait to see what villainy Nicole does next
The Pussycat Dolls are back as a trio with new song “Club Song,” produced by Mike Sabath.
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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
The justification for charging tuition fees, with reverse triple lock interest, and resulting 9% extra income tax, is the graduate premium. This, you are told, is the extra lifetime earnings from which you will benefit as a degree holder. And we believe that to be between £100,00 - £150,000 over the course of your career. But “believe” is the operative word. The thing is, we don’t know. But the government does. That’s because they have something called LEO data - Longitudinal Education Outcomes. And it tracks the university, course, and earnings of nearly 40 million people. Here’s the kicker: they won’t release the full data to the public, to you. Only to pre-approved researchers. And even then, they don’t get the whole dataset. That’s because pressure groups that represent universities have lobbied for it to remain private. They say you can’t measure the value of an education in a salary. That it’s about the soul and the mind and enrichment and growing up. And I agree with them, if only for the fact that they did have a really specific idea of the value of an education when they were taking my money. And indeed the government does too: 9% on my marginal tax rate. So the ask is simple. Release the records. Let graduates make an informed choice about the actual value of their degree. They just have to press publish. What have they got to hide? x.com/lfg_uk/status/20269403…

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Aaron Twitchen 🎉 retweeted
Replying to @PolitlcsUK
Plan 2 Student Loans: - Set up by the Tories - Repayment threshold set low by the Tories - Repayment rules changed by the Tories - Interest rates increased by the Tories - Repayment thresholds frozen by the Tories 2021-2024 How are they "Labour's fault"?
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