types of people in austin right now:
the cowboy cosplayers — own one pair of tecovas and now say “y’all” with confidence
the joe rogan adjacent — every conversation ends with a cold plunge, elk meat, or both
the lake austin crowd — on a boat four times a week and won’t stop telling you or posting about it
the cali refugees — been here three years, still explaining why they left california
the austin defenders — in a public feud with someone who lives in cupertino
the dog owners — the dog has more rights than a human and somehow has zero training
the hard tech builders — building in a warehouse, dressed like they’re headed to home depot
the sugar babies — somehow always on a boat, at soho house, or in aspen despite having no visible source of income
the “i work 10 hours a week in sales” crowd - at barton springs at 2 PM on a tuesday, somehow still making quota
the austin ogs — convinced every new resident personally ruined the city
the austin orgy crowd— insists it’s really about community
Types of people in NYC right now:
The Drinkers — 4 nights out, 2 hours of sleep, somehow still at work by 9 AM
The Hyrox Influencers — filming sled pushes at solace for the 17th time this week
The Sambas & Spritz Crowd — in the Hamptons, spent $900 to look like they don’t care
The Run Club Recruiters — “we’re just here for the community”
The Finance Bros — turning every happy hour into a networking event
The Matcha People — $11 green drink, zero personality
The Tech Guys — convinced AI will replace everyone except them
The Pilate Princesses — stronger than 95% of men and somehow always in Alo
The Dog Parents — the dog has a better social life than they do