@AdamCSharp profile picture
Adam Sharp @AdamCSharp
Joined May 2009
  • Tweets 22,406
  • Following 20,494
  • Followers 48,371
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Adam Sharp@AdamCSharp
17 Jul 2023
Replying to @AdamCSharp
It’d be foolish of me not to mention here that my next book is called THE WHEEL IS SPINNING BUT THE HAMSTER IS DEAD: A JOURNEY AROUND THE WORLD IN IDIOMS, PROVERBS AND GENERAL NONSENSE. So if you want more idioms like the ones in this thread, please pre-order now (link in my bio)
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Happy World Bee Day! Here’s a list of how bees buzz in ten different languages… 10. Bzzz (Czech) 9. Bzzz (Bulgarian) 8. Bzzz (French) 7. Bzzz (Slovene) 6. Bzzz (Catalan) 5. Bzzz (Polish) 4. Bzzz (Portuguese) 3. Bzzz (Italian) 2. Bzzz (Spanish) 1. Wing wing (Korean)
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Not many people know this, but Malcolm X had a sister who was an early advocate for toilets shared by men and women. Her name was Eunice.
Pop Base
@PopBase
May 19
Malcolm X was born 101 years ago today.
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At a divorce paper signing… WOMAN: I regret ever joining that Star Wars dating app MAN: You were looking for love in Alderaan places WOMAN: And I really regret marrying a Star Wars pun addict MAN: It was a wookie mistake WOMAN: Just sign it MAN, SIGNING: May divorce be with you
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Adam Sharp retweeted
Sal 📸🇬🇧🇳🇿🎞@fotosbysal
Apr 28
Replying to @AdamCSharp
My dad used to say, “I’ll never let you down” Great man, terrible hot air balloon pilot
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My dad used to say “always get up early so you can beat the morning crowds.” Nice man, overzealous riot police officer.
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My older brother used to say “you should always try to be upfront with everyone.” Lovely guy, terrible goalkeeping coach.
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My grandfather always used to say “you should answer to no one.” Lovely man, terrible switchboard operator.
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My grandmother always used to say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Brilliant woman, terrible surgeon.
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My uncle always used to say “the first rule of theatre is to leave them wanting more.” Fabulous guy, terrible anaesthetist.
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My dad always used to say “when you’re in a hole, stop digging.” Lovely man, terrible archaeologist.
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I just watched a pirated movie. On a scale of 1-10 I’d have to give it 3.14159265359
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I just watched a documentary about how they put the Eiffel Tower together. It was riveting.
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A list of my ten favourite types of exercise… 1. Skipping a workout 2. Surfing the net 3. Jogging my memory 4. Jumping to conclusions 5. Skating on thin ice 6. Pushing my luck 7. Running my mouth 8. Kicking up a fuss 9. Catching forty winks 10. Throwing in the towel
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A cat walks into a saloon... BARTENDER: what will you have? CAT: shot of whisky BARTENDER, AFTER POURING THE SHOT: there you go CAT, AFTER PUSHING THE SHOT OFF THE TABLE: give me another
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A cat walks into a doctor’s office... DOCTOR: what’s the problem? CAT: me-ow DOCTOR: okay, but where exactly?
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Here's a poem about my least favourite lady, Miss Pellings...
EVIL MISS PELLINGS Miss Pellings can come at any thyme Especially when you’re trying to rime She’s hear and their and everywear With clause as sharp as grizzly bare It’s quiet likely that you’ll see her In rythm, scism, onomatopeaia You may think she’s gone, breathe a sigh of relief But no, here she is, back to cause you more greif – Addam Sharpe

ALT EVIL MISS PELLINGS Miss Pellings can come at any thyme Especially when you’re trying to rime She’s hear and their and everywear With clause as sharp as grizzly bare It’s quiet likely that you’ll see her In rythm, scism, onomatopeaia You may think she’s gone, breathe a sigh of relief But no, here she is, back to cause you more greif – Addam Sharpe

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A SHORT POEM ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ENGLISH AND GERMAN… English weather is wet German weather is Wetter English kids are kind German kids are Kinder English mothers mumble German mothers Mutter And the English shout the word people But Germans just quietly Menschen it
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My previous agent, Jo Unwin, quit agenting a few years ago, and the agency that represented me after that just closed down (I swear neither were my doing). So if any agents are reading this (ideally with plans to stay in the industry long term), please feel free to get in touch.
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IN A PUB IN DUBLIN… SNAKE: WHY WON’T YOU SERVE ME? BARMAN: BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HOLD YOUR DRINK IN A BAR IN LONDON… EMINEM: GIVE ME TWO SHOTS OF - BARMAN: YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT IN A BISTRO IN PARIS… WAITER: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ME: WRITING A SERIES OF JOKES IN CAPITALS
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A man rings the doorbell of a small house and an old lady answers… OLD LADY: Yes? MAN: I’m sorry but I’ve just run over your cat OLD LADY: Oh MAN: I’d like to replace it if I can OLD LADY: Alright, but how good are you at catching mice?
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