Single Daddy, Can't grow beard, game lover, car lover, Full time worker, Car painter, 70% Sober, Mamas boy, HBO Binger, Adept Movie quoter, Master Cuddler
Joined November 2015
- Tweets 28,119
- Following 1,770
- Followers 2,164
- Likes 60,410
731 Photos and videos
14 Feb 2025
Sex is great and all, but have you ever had QT Mac and Cheese??
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12 Feb 2025
Just a personal preference to not mess with women named after Cars
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8 Feb 2025
My Mandela Effect is that in the 90s my favorite Corn Nutz was in a Pink bag; and now I absolutely can't even find proof of its existence, but I know it was there cause it was my favorite!
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8 Feb 2025
I'm at Grey Nose Hair age, but I hate pulling em out. I just tuck that shit in. "Get back in there!"
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8 Feb 2025
Sometimes it hits me; that I'm carrying a tiny TV with me 24/7
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2 Feb 2025
She had a Skydiving photo and I just don't wanna take that chance of her trying to make me do that with her.
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31 Jan 2025
"Single mama of 4. They will always come first."
Yeah no shit. They'll all hold you down and keep you from leaving.
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10 Jan 2025
Watching Liar Liar as a Kid and watching it as a separated parent is a totally different level
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10 Jan 2025
If I was a serial killer I'd probably target people that waste a Green Arrow.
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4 Jan 2025
"Men are Dogs"
Some dogs are loyal
But even the loyal ones wanna sniff some butt.
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13 Dec 2024
"You don't look approachable"
Is better than "You have Bitch Face"
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27 Nov 2024
All that training for nothing. If I were @elonmusk I'd offer 500 million to Mike Tyson and Jake Paul to do a 3 minute knockout challenge.
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26 Nov 2024
I'm not Fat, I'm just previewing what I'll look like after Thanksgiving.
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21 Nov 2024
"Ah my fucking eyes"
- me forgetting my phone is on max brightness in bed
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19 Nov 2024
Man I feel Old. People born in 2003 can legally drink alcohol now.
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