Usually found getting bossed around SW London by a tiny dog. Happiest when going full Nigella in the kitchen.

Joined February 2009
4,157 Photos and videos
There is a difference between dictating the tempo of a game and just walking around. Pedri hurt his team with his sulking teenager act. It was almost performative by the end. Vitinha controls games. Pedri strangles them. #ESPCPV
2
135
Pedri is insufferable to watch. His refusal to do anything quickly is almost performative. He’s not controlling the game let alone helping his team. He’s just walking around. #ESPCPV
1
1
5
238
Andrew Turmer retweeted
BBC: “What was your screen time?” Student: “Nine hours.” BBC: “You’re gong to have a lot more time to fill. What will you do?” Student: “Stare at a wall.”
1,361
10,558
149,794
12,226,937
Back 4: Hato to start at LB. Back 3: Hato to start at LCB and we need to buy a LWB. Annual injury crisis: use Gusto, Josh or Neto as cover. Use the €60m to buy a LWB. Or a winger. Or new CB partner for Colwill. We don’t need an expensive LB to block Hato.
Piece on Jorrel Hato explaining why he was a big factor in #CFC’s decision to sell Marc Cucurella to Real Madrid. Includes whether a replacement will be signed. (Free to read): nytimes.com/athletic/7360906…
1
2
183
Inevitable. But Bouaddi is not going to happen unless one/some of Lavia, Essugo, Andrey are sold. You can’t have 6 central midfielders (and Reece) in a season without European football. There aren’t enough games to go around.
🇫🇷 Ayyoub Bouaddi | Chelsea make move for signing ➡️ Join multiple clubs in the mix, including Arsenal 🌍 Performance for Morocco adds to the hype sportwitness.co.uk/chelsea-m… #cfc #afc
1
185
Good move for everyone. The type of quiet, efficient business we need to see more of at Chelsea. Hato is going to be great starting every week. And we now have €60m to improve other positions in the starting XI. No need for expensive squad padding in a 40 game season.
Marc Cucurella has completed a permanent transfer to Spanish La Liga side Real Madrid. Everyone at Chelsea FC would like to thank Marc for his efforts during his time at the club and for the role he played in our recent achievements.
141
Jose just needs his Matic next. Anyone know of a tall, physical number 6 who can charge around kicking anything that moves?
Jun 14
🚨 Real Madrid mean 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 this summer 😳 Marc Cucurella is set to be Real Madrid's latest signing for a fee of over €50M 💰 It's already their 𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙃 signing of the transfer window: ✔️ Jose Mourinho ✔️ Denzel Dumfries ✔️ Ibrahima Konate ✔️ Bernardo Silva ✔️ Marc Cucurella 🆕 𝗪𝗛𝗢'𝗦 𝗡𝗘𝗫𝗧? 🤔
1
179
Still love Nagelsmann. One day he’ll manage Chelsea. He’d have interviews - and potentially offers - from Chelsea, Liverpool and City this summer if he didn’t sign a new deal with Germany.
Lift off for Germany in Houston 🚀 Felix Nmecha with a quality finish!
1
132
These briefings are always funny. Real were the only ones who met our asking price. Cucurella didn’t pick them over 5 other clubs.
🚨 Chelsea have agreed a deal to sell Marc Cucurella to Real Madrid. Multiple clubs were interested in signing him but the player wanted to move to Real Madrid.
1
2
194
Enzo has to wait. Just like Hazard did. Real don’t have the money this summer. Barca don’t want him. City chose Anderson. PSG don’t need a 120m bench player. Enzo can’t move if no one is bidding for him.
We’re all expecting Enzo to follow suit, right?
2
253
Cucurella was visibly slowing down. Moving him on for €60m before he fully broke down is good, Hazard-esque business. Real doing us a favour here.
Marc Cucurella joins Real Madrid for €60m package from Chelsea. Here we go. ✅💣
13
31
2,710
€60m for a player we have run into the ground and who wasn’t getting a new contract is great business. Chelsea get a good fee to upgrade elsewhere. Hato gets to start every week. Jose gets his dark arts destroyer. Everyone wins.
🚨 Real Madrid reach agreement with Chelsea to sign Marc Cucurella. 27yo left-back joins #RMFC from #CFC for €60m - €55m fixed €5m bonuses. Spain international’s deal done at rapid speed & now on to paperwork stage @TheAthleticFC after @FabrizioRomano nytimes.com/athletic/7325256…
2
187
In a 40 game season with Hato ready to start every week, what kind of Cucurella replacement do we need? A versatile wing-back like Moreira from Strasbourg fits instead of blocking Hato with another expensive LB. We need to be smarter with our squad building.
🚨💣 More on Marc Cucurella to Real Madrid exclusive story. Spanish left back will sign a long term deal valid for 6 years and has already agreed to the move. Another fast deal in new Real Madrid style after Bernardo, Dumfries, Konaté. 🆕 🎥 youtu.be/_mLkFfhRi1E?si=WXT2…
2
142
Should have kept Broja, Anjorin and Gilchrist too I guess. A hindsight victory lap as a way of giving the club a kicking has no value. Best get that crystal ball out and tell us which academy boys will definitely work out from the 2026 class.
Another example on show why loyalty to your own pays off in the long run. A long term attribute that gets ignored way too much and it’s not just a thing that happens here. You play the performative short term ‘proper Chels’ to big money signings but you can’t build a core with big money signings especially when 2 of our most experienced players are engineering an exit. You need a blend.
1
2
324
Good move for all parties. Cucurella has been run into the ground and hasn’t signed a new deal. It’s time for him to enjoy one last contract in Spain and for Hato to take his position in the team.
🚨💣 EXCLUSIVE: Real Madrid reach verbal agreement to sign Marc Cucurella from Chelsea, HERE WE GO! Verbal agreement in place between all parties, player too — he’s the left back wanted by Mourinho. Details to follow. Cucurella leaves #CFC and joins Madrid after World Cup. ⚪️🇪🇸
2
13
951
Andrew Turmer retweeted
We don’t need a World Cup song, it’s already been made
81
237
3,239
564,094
Carlo’s Enzo/Alvarez moment has arrived. It’s clear the current approach with a bunch of geriatrics and Igor Thiago needs to change. Unleash the young talent. Use players that can get above walking pace. Play Endrick and Rayan!
Ancelotti vai ter a mesma chance oferecida a Scaloni: entender como foi superado e realizar ajustes que priorizem o desempenho do seu melhor jogador. Ofereceu todas as oportunidades possíveis para peças que não entregam no momento que o Brasil mais precisa. Se não tiver coragem de mudar o time já contra o Haiti, a caminhada do Brasil vai ser muito complicada.
2
318
Andrew Turmer retweeted
There is no reason Igor Thiago should have gotten called over Joao Pedro, this guy is bang average.
420
1,803
19,054
335,626
Carlo got his XI wrong. Just like his bizarre squad decisions. Morocco were really impressive and Ayyoub Bouaddi was great. He’s like a more complete Lavia who can run and play for 90 mins without breaking down. He’s the type of young midfielder we should be signing. #BRAMOR
114
Are Brazil the slowest team at the World Cup? It’s painful to watch a side with only one player that can sort of jog. Everyone else is walking and panting. It’s like watching Chelsea last season. #BRAMOR
1
169