I'm a stand up comedian. I pull funny faces and do silly voices. If one of my tweets amuses you, feel free to RT.
Joined April 2009
- Tweets 10,503
- Following 990
- Followers 2,504
- Likes 843
240 Photos and videos
If they make enough sequels to Jurrasic Park eventually they will remake Chicken Run.
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Shakespeare was born on April 23 and died on April 23. So today he gets to be and not to be.
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Asked Claude AI to teach me philosophy. Just submitted my first essay. Claude gave me 68%. Qualified human gave me 48%
Wish I'd written about Stoicism. I'd have taken the result a lot better.
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Chuck Norris isn't resting in peace. He roundhouse kicked St Peter and sommersaulted over the pearly gates.
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When Chuck Norris saw the light at the end of the tunnel he stared at it until it blinked.
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Andy White - Comedian (He/Him) retweeted
Tonight in the Studio!
@chortle Hotshots: @AndyJWhite (host), Henning Nilsen, @TalDavies , Alex Lennox, Lawrence Dodd, Daniel Tizon, Kat Higgins, Shawn Uyosa, Mark O'Keeffe & Aalex Mandel-Dallal
Doors: 7:30pm
Last entry: 7:45pm
Approx finish: 9:45pm
🎟 bit.ly/ChortleGleeBham
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So glad the Queen isn't around to see this. It would have broken her bank account.
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30 Nov 2025
Reposting my brief encounter with the man who has just joined Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.
13 Aug 2021
This just happened. Saw playwright Tom Stoppard in the street.
*Excuse me, sir, are you Tom Stoppard?
*Yes I am.
*I heard you on Radio 4 talking about your play Leopoldstadt.
*So you recognised my face from the radio?
*Err yes
And then he left.
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23 Nov 2025
Nearly forgot that today is the birthday of Doctor Who. Fortunately, he reminded me next week.
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28 Oct 2025
"I think therefore I am what I am."
Rene Gaycartes
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27 Oct 2025
Actually, Reform do want black faces in ads.
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13 Sep 2025
After watching the recent murder on TV, I have a question:
Has Selena Gomez lost weight?
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Andy White - Comedian (He/Him) retweeted
31 Aug 2025
Mac Bernie (Andrew McBurney) & Tash (Jack Kirwan) Live at Glee Club
This is Tash’s stage debut.
Miss you ah kid! ❤️
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Andy White - Comedian (He/Him) retweeted
23 Jun 2025
📆 Sunday: Rough Works, featuring Adam Beardsmore, @JoshPughComic, @LBarpaga, Darren Harriott, @ourladyofFlan, @AndyJWhite, @TalDavies, @kwamedy & James Cook
New material from the Midlands' finest comics
Tickets 🎟 bit.ly/RoughWorksBrum
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16 Jun 2025
Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other, "How do we stop that squeak?"
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11 May 2025
I see the new Pope is from Chicago. First pontiff to come from a musical.
Here comes Leo in his new white gown
For all that mass!
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Andy White - Comedian (He/Him) retweeted
10 May 2025
Tickets on sale now and an advance sell out is very likely, so don't wait to pick yours up. Head to totnescomedyclub.co.uk
Only £15 in advance, £17 on the door.
If you are wanting to eat beforehand, the @rsstotnes will be offering their Wednesday Pie & a Pint deal for £15.
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Andy White - Comedian (He/Him) retweeted
11 May 2025
Getting some lovely reviews for my children’s’ novel. I’m really very proud of it. I published it and am promoting it myself, so do spread the word amzn.eu/d/bwPQa8J
#selfpublished
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