2x Girl Dad. Podcast host. Taco enthusiast.
Joined April 2009
- Tweets 4,002
- Following 573
- Followers 39,876
- Likes 24,766
656 Photos and videos
Jun 7
For any future parents. This is what you can expect:
My 3 yr old daughter just had a meltdown cuz my wife flushed her poop down before I got to see it.
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May 31
I don’t argue politics with strangers online. I already have a 3-year-old at home for debates that go nowhere.
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May 28
Paying my respects to Harambe today.
On this day 10 years ago he was brutally murdered for protecting a child.
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May 7
My wife’s 5 months pregnant. Definitely keeping her away from the New England area.
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Apr 24
“Sorry kids, but daddy can’t put you to bed on Thursday night. I’ll be in Pittsburgh dressed as a Bengal Tiger watching 20 year olds get jobs.”
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Mar 28
I don’t think Tiger Woods has ever experienced the joy of being blacked out playing DJ in the passenger seat while a paid driver pulls into Taco Bell at 3 AM.
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Mar 26
My 3 yr old daughter asked her daycare teacher to send a pic of her poop to daddy because I’d be proud.
Looks like she’s ready to be added on my college buddy group chat.
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Mar 24
Some dude at my local Kroger just bought two 24 oz Coors Light cans with a 6 pack of mini FireBall bottles.
That’s a bold 2PM Tuesday afternoon purchase.
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Mar 8
Agreed. Hate to put the fam in financial ruin simply because we enjoy Thin Mints.
That’s not very funny
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Mar 8
Just put my entire family in crippling debt from buying 5 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies.
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Feb 16
The Tendys karma police has spoken 🤣
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Feb 13
Feb 12
JUST IN: NYC bar opens for people with "AI" partners, dining tables optimized to dine with your AI companion.
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Feb 11
Nothing makes me feel like more of a boss than using my Costco executive membership to shop before the store opens for everyone else.
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