Real question: If you had to choose, whom would you rather be abducted by

In all honesty, we should bring back public executions. Drag them out by the mob, let it happen.

A couple of years ago I was about to propose to my girlfriend. Ring in hand. Speech prepared. Everything ready. My roommate Joseph burst through the door out of nowhere, tripped over absolutely nothing, and fell face first through a glass table. Me: (ring still in hand) Me: (staring at Joseph on the floor) Me: (staring at the shattered table) Me: (staring at my girlfriend) Mood: gone. Joseph got a large piece of glass in his eye. Was walking around with a cotton pad over it for two months. I put the proposal on hold and helped him through the whole thing because that's what you do. Then one day Joseph was gone. My girlfriend was also gone. Together. Apparently they bonded during his recovery. Eloped without leaving a single note. I tried to find them. Never could. So if you've ever wondered why I'm not married right now. It's because if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from. Where did you go. Where did you come from cotton eye Joe.

Watch Starship's twelfth flight test x.com/i/broadcasts/1YxNrZwwo…

Well, here's a first. A confirmed alien.

Watch Falcon Heavy launch the @viasat-3 F3 mission to orbit x.com/i/broadcasts/1NGaradEp…

Retweet if you’d like to see @JimmyKimmelLive fired. @ABC and @Disney are tagged.

Kimmel’s hateful and violent rhetoric is intended to divide our country. His monologue about my family isn’t comedy- his words are corrosive and deepens the political sickness within America. People like Kimmel shouldn’t have the opportunity to enter our homes each evening to spread hate. A coward, Kimmel hides behind ABC because he knows the network will keep running cover to protect him. Enough is enough.  It is time for ABC to take a stand.  How many times will ABC’s leadership enable Kimmel’s atrocious behavior at the expense of our community.

Gina Carano reveals she’s spoken to Dave Filoni and Jon Favreau about returning to Star Wars. “We got onto a Zoom call. It was really nice. Dave is taking over as CEO of Star Wars. We didn’t miss a beat. Jon Favreau got on Zoom and was really funny. He was like, ‘So, where did we leave off?’” (Source: youtube.com/watch?v=YAQf86Vp…)

Cryin Chuck Schumer still makes me laugh 🤣

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Oh this kid is definitely getting a bag of NASA gear.

How does training differ from #ArtemisII as opposed to going to the ISS? #NASAMoonCrew

Send me a DM and we can try to get you all out to the Crew 12 launch at KSC.

Prime luxury real estate arrives on December 10 in GTA Online: A Safehouse in the Hills. Experience an all-new action-packed adventure — along with new vehicles, the return of a familiar face, and much more.

Looks like Lady Liberty is leaving NYC for better lands.

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We all know that Big back Rosie won't give up food 😂

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Makes sense since France is known for surrendering and so are the Clooney's now.

Is he not turtley enough for the turtle club?