Youāre doing something great, what makes it so great is your āwhyā. Prayers to you and your mom Yen!
Feels weird to share something so personal here, but I'll take all the aura farming I can get right now. Feeling grateful and locked in. Let's do this mom.
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Feeling truly grateful today. My mom was diagnosed with cirrhosis earlier this year, and tomorrow weāll be admitted at UCSF, where weāll undergo a partial liver transplant together.
For the handful of people who Iāve shared this with, they often react by saying how great of a gift Iām giving. And truth be told, itās been a stressful few months of planning and coordinating - and after joining a liver donor support group on Facebook (an unexpected and my new favorite place on the internet), I canāt help but be amazed by othersā transplant stories, especially those who are altruistically donating anonymously. It reminds me of the goodness in people and humanity, especially in todayās world⦠weāre closer and better than weāre often made to believe.
But I genuinely donāt feel like Iām giving a gift, and itās definitely not altruistic - itās my *mom*. Iām deeply, deeply grateful for a chance to help save her from suffering from this disease any longer. For my friends who werenāt given an opportunity like I have, to simply do a surgery in exchange for more time, I donāt take this for granted. This stage in life of caring for aging and ailing parents, while simultaneously raising our own kids and navigating careers, is really hard and thereās no playbook. You just get through it. But my boys and my nieces adore their beloved nainai, and seeing them together this weekend getting spoiled by her reminded me of how fortunate I am to have this opportunity, and what this is all about.
Hereās a little about my mom: she speaks softly, but make no mistake - she is an absolute force. She came to the US with barely any money, English, or traditional education. She tells my brother and I stories of her life during her most formative years, from ages 12 thru 20, that were hard spent in communes on the countryside of China during the Cultural Revolution. She labored daily in the fields doing agricultural work and shouldering heavy tree logs along the slopes of steep forested terrain. Food was scarce, so she and the other girls in her commune would share the small ration of rice they were given by soaking it in water and drinking the ārice soupā as a meal.
Many of them suffered from health issues later in life, including chronic liver disease, which my mom suspects led to her own. The trauma my mom endured is hard to fathom. Iāve never met my maternal grandmother, her mom. Like many families during that time, my grandma helplessly watched as her kids were removed and separated from their home and then publicly ridiculed and shamed. Unable to bear this, she tragically took her own life. Shortly after, my mom was then sent away to the countryside, separated from her siblings and her dad.
For my mom to live through all that, then start over as a broke stranger in a foreign land with the responsibility of raising two young kids, is remarkable. Iām both heartbroken for her upbringing, and incredibly proud and in awe (and forever a spoiled punk). Itās no surprise that she became so strong willed and self-reliant. In 2014, she beat a bout with breast cancer, and has overcome various health issues throughout her life. But this time itās different. She canāt keep silently fighting this on her own, and thereās no miracle drug or simple lifestyle change that can save her. Sheās also not sick enough to be high enough on the transplant waiting list, and at the age of 71, she knows itās not wise to wait around and find out. Sheās tried to find any alternative option she could, including returning to China to find a donor (thankfully her hepatologist convinced her this was a terrible idea). So above all, Iām deeply grateful that sheās doing the most unnatural and difficult thing sheās ever done - allowing me to help her right now.
But itās not just me, we have a team behind us. Tricia will be holding down the fort at home while I recover, and her sister Christinaās coming to help bring some extra mommy magic for the boys while Iām in the hospital. Carter doesnāt really know whatās happening, and sadly Iāll be in the hospital during his 3rd birthday, but we all celebrated early this weekend. Jalen on the other hand fully understands, including how my liver will regenerate ālike a lizardās tail.ā Whenever he gets sad about me being away at the hospital, I just remind him heās about to have his aunt ājiejie mamaā come and get spoiled by two mommies. Suddenly he lights up again, and Iām chopped liver š„. Heās a true mamaās boy, so he understands what this is all about.
The surgeryās at UCSF, one of the pioneering medical centers for liver transplants in the world. Although Tricia works in a different unit, she often takes care of pediatric liver transplant patients and their families. Of course, Iāll be the biggest baby sheās taken care of. Our transplant team at UCSF is truly world class and Iāll be one of the first to have a robotically assisted procedure, which will help me recover and get back to doing all the dad things faster. Iāll leave the hospital with an ever deeper appreciation for what Tricia does routinely at work, while Iām on the internet posting memes. My brother and his wife Parisa helped my parents move across the country for the surgery, and into a new condo thatās a short drive to UCSF and - most importantly - a quick straight shot to Costco for my dad.
Itās truly a team, and an invisible team behind the team, thatās making this all possible. After several delays and reschedules, navigating family holidays and work schedules, itās finally happening. Thank you thank you thank you.
Letās do this mom.