Dear Hunter,
Word has reached the Palouse that you have issued a formal complaint over the unbearable burden of playing a football game at night followed by another game six days later. The entire nation surely pauses in sympathy for such hardship inside the warm and well-fed walls of the SEC.
Meanwhile, Washington State just last year waged war in three games crossing three time zones for kickoff scraps handed out by television executives, arriving home at sunrise only to do it all again the next week. We survived conference collapse, endless travel, and television networks carving up college football like railroad tycoons dividing territory โ all without releasing public statements because bedtime came too late. And we too face a Sunday game followed by an early Saturday morning game, both on the road to open the season. We do not complain. We do not make excuses. We merely pray for those who dare stand in our way.
You speak passionately about player welfare, yet your conference has happily shoveled mountains of television money into its pockets while the rest of college football burned around it. It is a curious thing to suddenly discover morality once the unfavorable kickoff lands in your own backyard.
Out here in Pullman, we simply call that a road trip. We do not pick the time of battle. But we will wage hell no matter the time of day or lack of rest.
Still, we wish your troops strength and courage during these difficult evening hours in Utah. May the lanterns burn bright enough to guide them safely home.
Sincerely concerned,
โ General Kirby Moore