Anyone who’s even a little religious and has their head on straight will tell you they’ve had doubts. It’s normal. Sometimes your mind tells you your beliefs don’t make sense. Sometimes your body wants the exact opposite of what your religion says. And sometimes you look around and think, maybe this whole thing isn’t true.
I’ve felt that too. No matter how religious I am, I’m not immune to doubt. It comes in waves. I’ll be sitting in synagogue during a long prayer service and suddenly think, what am I doing? I’ll open a Chumash (Bible) and wonder, I consider myself open minded, how do I know this actually happened? I’ll look around at a modern world that doesn’t care about religion at all and ask myself, am I being naive?
But then there’s something I always come back to. Something that resets everything.
We’re still here.
Not just Jews by name or ancestry. But Jews who actually live by this religion. Jews who still build their lives around Torah (Bible), halacha (Jewish law), and a God you can’t see. That fact alone is enough to make you stop and think.
Because we shouldn’t be here.
We’ve been kicked out of almost every country we’ve ever lived in. We’ve been hated, hunted, and killed. We’ve been tiny in numbers for centuries. There’s no reason we should still exist as a nation, and definitely no reason we should still be keeping the same religion. But we are.
And believe me when I tell you that this religion is not easy to keep. Judaism is not a casual spiritual identity. It’s not about once a year holidays or feel good sermons. It’s a full system that tells you how to live every part of your life. What you can eat. When you can work. What you can say. Who you can marry. It demands time, money, energy, discipline, and commitment. And somehow, there are still people who live like that. Thousands of them, even hundreds of thousands..
You have Jews today who still get married at 18. Have kids at 19. Build homes where Jewish law isn’t a side detail, it’s the whole structure. They’re not doing it for clout or out of fear. They’re doing it because it’s real to them. And it’s not just the people in the headlines. It’s regular Jews in neighborhoods all over the world, living like this every single day.
And that’s what gets me.
There’s no marketing campaign. No central figure holding it all together. No billion-dollar institution pushing it. Just families and communities. Just commitment passed down, over and over again.
That doesn’t happen by accident. That doesn’t happen unless there’s something true underneath it. People don’t suffer for something for over 3,000 years unless it’s real. You can’t fake that kind of survival.
So yes, I doubt. I question. I wrestle with things. But when I zoom out and look at the bigger picture, I can’t ignore what I see. The very fact that we’re still here, still religious, still holding on, is enough for me to believe there’s something much bigger going on.
And that’s why I stay.
I finish the prayer, close the siddur (prayer book), and go home to my children. I sit with them and explain why we do what we do. Why this life matters. Why this whole system, hard as it is, is still worth living. And I do it because I want them to know that we’re not just surviving. We’re continuing something ancient, and unbreakable, and something that was never supposed to make it but did.
Because we didn’t give up.
And neither will I.