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Col. Joseph Lee Burrow @ColJoeBurrow

Soldier. Ohioan. Tiger. Parody.

Joined August 2021
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  • Followers 27,937
6 Photos and videos
Father- Yessir. Joe
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Father- This missive comes from the Nevada Territory where I’ve been dawdling. I learnt whilst our Commanding General was retained, some highly decorated ones were relieved of command. It should be understood our headquarters persists in considerations most find bewildering. -Joe
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Father- The president announced the retention of our commanding general and recruiting officer. I shall delay my return to meet with them and convey my pondering on how this enterprise can improve markedly. I endeavor without hesitation to have no further failings. -Joe
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Father- We suffered defeat to Shedeur, with whom I was unacquainted. Now we must convey urgency in refitting this regiment for future campaigns to win glory and no longer appear lost and miscast. I extend my best wishes; please tell Mother I’m coming home. ‘Tis a damn shame. -Joe
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Father- Critics and naysayers are asking why I’m on the battlefield during a lost campaign after suffering another terrible wound. As I told the papers, I just wanted to come back and go to war with the men. I hope Mother understands. -Joe
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Father- Today the regiment had more fun. My sincere hope is next campaign has more fun than not. -Joe
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Father- Merry Christmas to you and Mother. Tho I remain at my post at Fort Paycor this Christmas, enclosed is a daguerreotype for you and Mother to love in my absence. At some risk, I had it taken with the regimental mascot. -Joe
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Father- That was fun. -Joe
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Father- Ruffians built a large sign outside Fort Paycor. They call for the relief of our commanding general and recruiting officer. This campaign has devastated many hearts. Change is needed. Whether it occurs I know not. I only know I will do my duty til the last. -Joe
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Father- You may have seen in the papers I’ve been thinking about things. Our regiment needs better provisions: new weapons; and some shovels to entrench and improve our defensive posture. We must better screen recruits for proper fitness. I have many more thoughts to share. -Joe
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Father- I’m not sure I’ve had a more miserable day save those when I’ve been wounded. ‘Twas so cold my sidearm froze resulting in multiple misfires. The constant beatings take a toll on my spirit. Even the campfire fails to warm a man after a drubbing like that. -Joe
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Father- Our next battle dawns. The large black birds of B’more descend upon Fort Paycor on a day colder than beaver knuckles. We shall make quick work of them and return to the warmth of our campfires. How I long for that fifth victory. Pray good fortune. -Joe
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Father- You may have seen in the papers I am frustrated. I was induced by the principles of politeness to refrain from speaking my mind forthwith. I’d think it strange a man NOT be disappointed in a losing campaign. I am here for victory. Please give Mother my dearest love. -Joe
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Father- Upon the whole the day was rather unfortunate. My sidearm misfired twice and we had no spy working on our behalf, allowing a cowboy to run like a wild bison. Please tell Mother I am in good health but it may not be enough. My heart aches, but I will never surrender. -Joe
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Father- The enterprise struggled in my absence. My return brought victory and new life. Now we march on the city of bison to face the army of Williams. The Farmer’s Almanac warns of a spectacular blizzard. We should be so fortunate. It’s damn good to be back in the fight. -Joe
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Father- A night to remember. My return to the field with a metal plate in my boot resulted in victory over the birds of B’more. Then the regiment celebrated, devouring multiple roast birds before a flock of reporters. Somehow, we’re still alive in this campaign. -Joe PS-Let’s go!
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Father- Apologies for the lack of missives of late. I’ve returned to the field in time for our march on Baltimore. Please tell Mother not to be alarmed when she reads in the papers about my further exploits in this campaign. I would have it no other way. I’m where I belong. -Joe
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Father- I’m back. -Joe
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Father- I write with the magnificent news that the regimental surgeon has cleared me for training. The hope is I can take to the field in a fortnight. I read in the papers I was seen walking without a boot. Please tell Mother this is nonsense; I go nowhere barefoot. -Joe
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Father- The campaign in danger of floundering, another Joe rec’d orders to our regiment. Thought by many to be on his last leg, fate had other intentions. This night he led the men to victory over a hated foe. Determination hath returned to deliver hope while my toe mends. -Joe
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