@ComedianOfNote profile picture
Asaf Gerchak @ComedianOfNote

I am a comedian. I am not a monster.

Joined November 2012
  • Tweets 1,379
  • Following 92
  • Followers 386
244 Photos and videos
I like how when we call like crows or whatever intelligent we mean they can solve goldberg machines and remember the faces of their enemies, but when we call dogs intelligent we mean "she knows if she makes this one expression it's so cute that I just have to give her my cheese"
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Canada's most-talked about news rn is the death of a Quebecois groundhog meteorologist, & somehow that's still less outrageously absurd than what we should be talking about - the Ont. government's latest argument for screwing Indigenous people #onpoli theguardian.com/world/2023/f…
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The argument is, quite seriously, "we shouldn't have to pay you for what we stole because we already spent the money on all that stealin' gear"
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I think a good public service would be if those big, shaking bread loaf slicer machines were available free at gas stations like tire air pumps
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They would get along, they both like to vibrate with a sound you kind of feel at the back of your eyes
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You could clean out the crumbs with the air!
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My current favorite digital ventriloquy is that if you write cutoff sentences about food and use a lot of cursing, it sounds exactly like Gordon Ramsey
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Of fucking course the fucking stew
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Have you used a fucking knife in your What the fuck is this
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Since we're in another round of "famous comics attack marginalized communities and are defended on the grounds that 'edgy humor isn't for everyone'", here's a thread where I talked about why sexist, transphobic, homophobic, racist etc etc stand-up isn't edgy, just shitty & boring
Asaf Gerchak@ComedianOfNote
24 Jun 2020
Replying to @ComedianOfNote
When comics are called out for jokes about abuse, predation & racism, someone always says "pushing boundaries is part of comedy." Sure, but this isn't that; comics gleefully delighting in the world's oldest power structures is the literal opposite of challenging norms
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Yeah, I know he wrote Extras. Making a sitcom you liked doesn't give him a pass to be an enforcer in a violent system of socio-political oppression. Also like Extras, a few decent ideas early in his time doesn't make up for a long, steady decline.
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Every"vegetarian recipe ideas" list: -19 pastas baked w cheese -cauliflower tacos -chili -hummus -hmm ok could we put quinoa under the chili or hummus -white person makes curry -veggie burgs BUT w WALNUTS and NO STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY -onepot Utter Sadness Organics™ lentils & rice
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Events today near Parliament are scary & serious, but it's v funny that Ottawa is so small, reporters can tweet like "police have pushed to ~150m to the right of Parliament, having started near that nice statue about the feminist court case that you pass on the way to the Market"
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Hey what if we told everyone that climate change ghosted a bunch of people after a few dates
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I hear police departments regularly set up more than one date per weekend
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Transphobia said they made this Spotify playlist for you but they actually say that to everyone
Hanging socks to dry next to my other clothes is the one time they are all treated equally. Drying racks are wardrobe socialism
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ALTERNATE JOKE Hanging socks to dry next to my shirts like I'm running a K-12 school for clothing
Asaf Gerchak retweeted
Sarah Pinsent@sarahpinsent
26 Nov 2021
please let it be the real Black Friday. I can’t take another 4 weeks of fake Black Fridays.
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