Content Writer. Discontented Otherwise.
Joined June 2011
- Tweets 273
- Following 301
- Followers 117
- Likes 124
15 Photos and videos
9 May 2022
One Babybel ain't enough. Two Babybel is too much. It's a hard life.
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4 Mar 2022
Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Because they arrrr
Q: Why do pirates always say 'aye?'
A: Because they doooooo
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11 Jan 2022
Watching Star Trek: Next Generation for the first time and it took them two episodes before someone fucks an android
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18 Dec 2021
Why isn't there a gin that's marketed itself as The Spirit of Christmas?
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11 Nov 2021
Got no interest in ever having kids but would love nothing more than being a granddad. How do you sort that out?
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11 Nov 2021
Figuring I've got to remain unmarried until my retirement when I'll marry a woman who has grandkids but her children are dead. Everyone's happy!
12 Oct 2021
Currently getting death threats from 'Cormackers' in my DMs. It's a great book but if it doesn't give you Major Depressive Disorder, you're a freak
21 Sep 2021
Ignore previous tweet. God is good
21 Sep 2021
Being a Reds fan is pure masochism. Why do I put myself through this?
21 Aug 2021
Where do we reckon they got the black sludge coffee from in Monster's Inc. and do you think I could get myself some?
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14 Aug 2021
Since moving out almost a year ago, I've probably spoken to my mum by bothering her on the phone more than I spoke to her for the whole 23 years of cohabitating with her.
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12 Aug 2021
In London. Just found out cockneys are real. Thought they were made up in Only Fools and Horses, like Hobbits Lord of the Rings or Whales in Moby Dick
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