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Unfortunately my 2 hamsters, Fluffy Susanna and Mr Squishy, ended their relationship earlier today It was very sad to see. What happened was that Mr Squishy loved Fluffy Susanna deeply, as deeply and steadily as the ground he sits on Fluffy Susanna however, loved the idea of Mr Squishy. She wanted Mr Squishy to be the hero in her fairytale. She would tell him things like “if you truly love me, you will fetch the biggest seed from the highest tree!” Mr Squishy was a little confused “but I do love you more than anything” he said She turned her back and said “I won’t believe you until you bring me that seed” Mr Squishy was aware he was a hamster and couldn’t climb trees well like a squirrel. But seeing that it would make her feel loved, and not shying from a challenge, he set out to try After 6 hours of struggle, he got about 2/3 of the way up. Totally exhausted, he reached out, trembling, for the biggest seed he could find Then he scurried back down the trunk to the burrow. She was asleep, so he decided not to wake her until the morning The next day, he awoke to her shouting. She had found the seed, but rather than being happy she cried “this isn’t the biggest seed. There are much bigger ones near the top, so you must only have climbed half way at most. If you loved me, you would have gone all the way to the top” she said He listened, but felt very sad. Something felt very wrong about needing to prove his love when he already felt it so strongly in his heart He said to her “I couldn’t make it to the top of the tree, but I love you very much” “A hamster who loves me would have got the biggest seed” she said “but I will give you another chance. If you get 3 eggs from the nest of a magpie, I will know that you love me” He felt very sad, and curled up next to her. Even though their fur touched, he started to feel completely alone. He wished that she could feel the immense love he had for her The next day, he woke and packed everything he needed to reach the Magpie’s nest. It was a much smaller tree, so he knew it was within his limits After a few hours, he reached the branch with the nest. To his surprise, the Magpie was there. He thought she was out at this time of day “What do you want?” the Magpie said in a high pitched, girly bird voice “Well I… I… “ he stuttered, then he decided to be fully honest with her “My hamster girlfriend will not believe that I love her unless I bring her 3 of your eggs” “Hmmm…” the magpie thought “What does love have to do with collecting my eggs?” “I… I don’t know” said Mr Squishy “But, you came anyway, despite knowing that I can peck out both your eyes…” she said “Yes, I did, because I want her to know I love her” Mr Squishy replied “You are stupid, even for a Hamster, because that isn’t how love works. However, I respect your bravery, so I will not kill you” the Magpie mused “Thank you, can I have the 3 eggs?” he inquired “Don’t be ridiculous, these are my babies” the Magpie said angrily, then paused “But… you can have one old grey egg, from last year, it never hatched…” she said, passing it to him with her beak “Thank you, this will have to do” he said, then scurried back down the trunk of the tree When he reached his burrow, she was waiting “Where are the other 2 eggs?” she said, upset He started to explain that the Magpie had been home, but she was already banging her head against the wall of the burrow in anger “you really must not love me!” she cried “And even this 1 egg seems old and grey!” This is impossible, Mr Squishy thought “But… I will give you another chance…” she started to say Something inside Mr Squishy’s soul broke at that moment and he began to dig through the side of the wall. “Where do you think you are going?!” she yelled He dug and dug, and continued digging until he could no longer hear her voice, then he collapsed, exhausted, on the floor of the tunnel, and had the deepest sleep of his life The next day, he did absolutely nothing