It's hard to humble myself and ask for charity, but our cat is sick and it's all just too much. After 6 years of disability hell, this is a big hit both emotionally and financially. My parnter and I are in shambles and all we want is for our little pocket panther to get better. So even if you can't help out with a donation, a share is worth the world to me - Thank You. gofund.me/0536fa5ed

I’ll be using my old larger account for a little while. I’m having a tough time being on this account right now because of the recent posts about Olive. X keeps using the same damn image from the GFM even though I changed it, and honestly, I’m just not okay with seeing it over and over right now. I refuse to delete the updates, and all the kind responses but I can’t really look at them either. I think I need some distraction for this part of the process. So for now, I’ll be posting and staying in touch through @brokenbarpublic until I feel a little stronger again.

I have never hurt so badly in my whole life. I don't know if it's the timing, the tragic layers in this whole needless event, or that I am softer than I use to be, but my family is broken now and I'm not ashamed of being human. I want to thank everyone for their support and kind words. I'm going to keep the GFM up for a while if anyone wants to help us recover some of the loss. RIP Olive, The world was too small for you. 💔

Today feels like make or break with Olive. Erin and I are in a torturous purgatory. We can’t really afford to push much further and we need a miracle today. We are awaiting the word from the docs. All positive thoughts and prayers are needed and welcome.

I got to see her today on the second visit - though she was really just wanting mama. She’s peeing a lot which is a good sign, and eating and pooping bit we are hoping for and improvement in her numbers tomorrow. She also got a soft colllar and they are talking about putting her back in the kitty ward because she’s more stable and trending in the right direction. She’s been in a more critical spot for constant observation. Mama brought her a new sweatshirt to cuddle with and she has a burrowing bag in the kennel she likes to hide in. - that’s olives style, so I think that’s a good sign.

I figured Id share here too since so many are on Team Olive. This is what it costs to save your little pocket panther, after a vet visit has completely gone sideways and you refuse to give up on her. At the moment, we have roughly a $1,400 credit remaining on the account, which should get Olive through the night before we will likely need to make another deposit in the range of $3,000 -$5,000. Anyhow - we visited her again today, and this time I was able to go with Erin. (last update was only in GFM I think) which is were I make my The nurses and staff have absolutely fallen in love with her. I overheard one of them call her improvement "amazing” which hit me pretty hard emotionally after everything that has happened over the last few days. The reality is that Olive would not still be here without this level of care. She was critical, and this is saving her. She is still in renal failure, yes, and we are far from out of the woods. But right now, everyone involved in her care is hoping and praying that her bloodwork continues trending in the right direction so we can eventually begin the process of bringing her home. We still don’t know what tonight will bring. Things can change very quickly with kidney failure, and after the emotional roller coaster of the last few days, we are trying to stay cautious about hope. But for now, Our family is holding onto it. Thank you to everyone who is following and sharing. If this is your first time seeing this and are curious about the story, Olives GFM, which is helping to cover her treatment is pained on my page. It's exhausting, but im keeping constant updates coming to make sure everyone who helps is up to speed.

I updated Olives GFM if your following along. I think today's update sums things up well. I'm too exhausted to put one on X right now.

Reading a few comments, I'm so sorry if this sent the wrong message. I'm not thinking clear and very emotional and probably over sharing. But, - It's not over. Sorry for any confusion. This was Erin and I visiting Olive today around 5 pm. It's not good, but yesterday the internist doc said they wanted 72 hours to see if she responded to treatment. SO today, this pic is after the first 24. They are trying a new med to the mix - it's a Hail Mary. Her evening bloods showed a small improvement. Creatinine went form 14 ->12 BUN came down a little She has been urinating more and more. She fell asleep in Erins arms again and we thinks becasue she feels safe. She is bonded to Erin more than me and I think I can say the same about Erin to her lol. Anyhow. again, sorry for any confusion. SHes still fighting, we are still fighting and the docs aren't ready to give up, so thats where this is.

I don’t have the energy at the moment for a long update. I’ll be brief and straight forward. We just got a call. The vet told us they believe the numbers they got yesterday were an error, explaining that why we didn’t get the creatinine numbers this morning. Despite her being able to urinate more Her creatinine is 14 Her BUN is 130 The doc believes that it’s worth 24 more hours and wants to try one more drug to see if they can get her to flush out the issue. But Erin being a nurse and me being me, we feel very hopeless. Especially after the false hope of an improving situation. We are considering everything right now from the perspective of Olives well being at the top. We do not want to prolong any suffering if there is noting to be done. This is incredibly difficult.

I'm trying to limit updates here becasue I dont want to burn my friends out emotionally, but we get calls from the Vet every 6 hours or so, and there are a lot of people who are following Olives story. It really is an hour by hour emergency and thats why she's in ICU. So here is the latest but it's also in her GFM with a video update of me explaining if thats easier. Don't mind the bags, we haven't slept much and have cried more than I would have expected.... We got the morning call after Olive’s latest lab draws. The good news is that Olive’s potassium levels came back down into the normal range, which is a huge relief because that was becoming a serious concern with possible heart complications. However, we are absolutely not out of the woods yet. Oddly, we did not receive a creatinine value this morning for reasons I don’t fully understand. I think there may have been some kind of lab issue or testing error, but apparently they will be rerunning labs later today. Her BUN, which had dropped significantly yesterday alongside the creatinine, did not come down much during this last check. It was 111 last night and 109 this morning, which is still roughly double where it should be. The vet did say she is passing a little more urine and seemed more bright-eyed and responsive this morning, and we are taking that as an encouraging sign because it’s an extremely important one. At the same time, we really do not want to create false hope. They still need more testing later today before anyone has a clearer understanding of what direction this is going. I honestly don’t think the doctors expected her to respond this well at all, and there are still many possible complications ahead because we are dealing with a very delicate system in the body. She will also need another ultrasound before they fully understand what exactly happened and what damage may still be present. Right now, Olive is on medication that dilates her ureter in hopes that fluid and possibly crystals or stones can pass through more normally. We still don’t know what happens if the medication stops working, if she comes off of it too early, or whether an obstruction is still present. She’s also on antibiotics that may be helping with a possible infection that may or may not be contributing to all of this. But in a nutshell it looks like this: she has shown some improvement in kidney function. She is still in critical condition, and the missing creatinine value is frustrating because it is one of the most important markers we need right now. But because we have seen meaningful improvements, we cannot bring ourselves to give up. Not yet. So at this point, we are prepared to lose everything if that’s what it takes to save this cat. Last night, Erin looked me dead in the eyes and said, “So we’ll go broke. I don’t care. I love her, and I’m not giving up.” I looked back at her and said, “Me too.”

We are just over 13k now. Erin and I refuse to give up on Olive. Especially now that there is some hope after yesterday evenings blood draws. We are sick with worry but are awaiting more results later today. I will update when we get news.

Ok, we got a call. The phone rang and I was terrified. But it wasn’t the worst news. First the good and unexpected news we were hoping for - her creatinine and her BUN came down. Creatinine came way down. So that’s super reassuring. Especially since she wolfed down food at our visit too! However her potassium has started to climb. It was at 4.7, and now it’s at 5.8 this could be a risk with heart stuff. I asked if somethng like that could be a lagging marker that just went up between draws and is slower to come down, but I am not sure I understood the answer the vet gave me. They will retest her bloods in 6 hours and call us We just dumped another $5k into this because what the hell else are we supposed to do. I mean, it sounded like the vet was willing to go 3-5 days with values that “simply didn’t rise” so o think this means we have a stronger fighting chance. Anyhow, I’ll be posting the last two twitter updates in Olive’s fundraiser as well as labs when I get them. If any of this is stressing you out, I am sorry - I won’t be offended if you unfollow or mute until it’s over. This is how I am coping and so many friends here truly care. Almost all of my community is virtual after the last few years and your sympathy and support really matters to me and makes this feel less lonely.

Her creatinine went from 1.5 to 12 overnight. They have narrowed it down to obstruction. It’s serious. They are saying 8% chance she pulls though. Our only hope is that the ureter dilation drugs work and there is a miracle and she passes the obstruction. In that event we will see a dramatic improvement in values. There is also a less likely scenario where infection in playing a part and the antibiotics might help with the obstruction. We are still fighting but the doctors are clear about the slim chances. The good news is, she recognized mama immediately and Erin got to hold her and - she ate food when we gave it to her. She wolfed it down. Then became pretty tired and fell asleep with her head in Erin’s hand. She just wants to be home with us but this is the only option we have to keep her alive. The next 12-24 hours are critical to see how she’s responding. Erin and I are being tortured, because we know she’s struggling and we are not ready to say goodbye. But the doc said neither was she. Everyone in our little family is suffering but we are for the moment staying hopeful. They draw blood is at 7pm - no call after that is good. If we get a call tonight, it’s because there is very bad news. If you are the praying type, the prayers are welcome.

We just got some very difficult news from the animal hospital. I posted an update on Olives Fundraiser, and I attached a video. I and Erin are in shambles right now. This feels so unfair. Our little girl was healthy and happy before any of this.

They didn't waste billions of dollars on rigged studies, propaganda, and "patient expert" horse and pony shows to have your doctors believing anything other than what Dr. Marine does here. This cardiologist's stance is 💯 the desired outcome of the NASEM Long Covid definition, a direct descendant of NIH RECOVER's $500M Long Covid 12 Sx Survey - designed to disappear from Dx and exclude from our research the majority of Long Covid cases. Imagine a cardiologist thinking he's seen no patients with Long Covid / SARS-CoV-2 fallout in his practice after 6 years. Absolutely incredible. Take a fucking bow @K_Bishof @C19LH_Advocacy @MVGutierrezMD @WesElyMD @PatientLed @PlzSolveCFS @MEActNet @OpenMedF et al, for a job very well done. #LCGrift #MECFSCult

Last night I went down a rabbit hole. I was completely fried from the day dealing with my sick cat. When I got home, I decided to start a Gofundme but I needed to get some pictures of Olive (I wanted a kitten pic). So I opened up my old MacBook. It’s the one that had all of my movies and pics from pre and early 2020. The one I never open. I went through my entire photo library pic by pic from 2014 on…and then I got to 2020. I was up pretty late being wired form the days events. I should not have done that. This disease has stolen everything. Absolutely everything. I am and my life are completely unrecognizable after 6 years of this disease and the disabilty that is not waning. It’s like a serpent that has viciously sunk its teeth into every aspect of my existence. I spend a lot of time distracting myself while also focusing on any gains I’ve made - which aren’t great or many. I tell myself that I will recover every day. I keep a tiny ball of hope wrapped up in the back of my mind and cling to it like a child does a teddy bear. But when I look at the totality of this and when I examine it fully without denial - it really is just loss and tragedy, and the truth is I am fucked. I want my life back so deeply. It’s a like a hunger that gets worse with each passing moment in this prison cell. But it’s not coming my way. I’m not even close. It’s been six years - and who am I kidding? Maybe it’s just the stress of everything this past week I dunno. But I think I’m finally losing hope that I will ever recover - and that’s not somethng I say out loud. I know I’m not alone in these feelings. I know others are going through this. So many people. Not all are as bad as me, some are much worse off. It’s almost surreal that nothing has been done to ease this suffering.