Just an ordinary dad of two, husband of one, pointing out the funny (and ridiculous) side of parenting. Winner of zero awards. Moderately funny 65% of the time.
Imagine having an alarm clock, except you can't choose the time it goes off. It also pokes you in the eyes as well as making noise.
Oh, and it kinda looks like you, but smaller.
Wife: I don't feel too good, I'm going to bed early tonight.
Me: Oh no *switches on telly* that sounds like a good plan *turns on ps5* I hope you feel better soon *starts fallout 4*
Me: Any idea what to have for dinner tonight?
Wife: Oh we're having gammon and eggs with roast baby potatoes.
Me: You're making that?
Wife: I didn't say I was making it, but that's what we're having.
Ozzy: Daddy, it's not fair! You get loads of cool parcels and I never get anything!
Me: You know what, you're right. The next cool parcel they arrives for me, you can have.
Ozzy: Yaaaay! Thank you!
The next parcel to arrive: