I once lost my wedding ring for three weeks in a sleeve of cookies.

Joined July 2012
324 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!" 11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!"
8
220
482
yehhhhh welcome to opening weekend of the @lacountyfair
59
wife just accused me of buying crappy low quality wrapping paper and I told her I’m like the “Money Ball” of families and I like to keep the soda money on the field…
13: about half of dad’s jokes are actually funny..
1
wore suspenders this week- teen daughter told her friends that’s my “statement” piece
13 waking up: “THESE are the eyes of a tired child. I want you to SOAK them in and realize YOU did this to me”
2
your honor, I see no evidence of candy wrappers ANYWHERE other than the one lonely Milk Duds box so clearly it WASN’T me who ate all that other Halloween candy. I rest my case.