A text I received from my dad last night:
Hello, happy family. Wanted to clarify one of my stories. After arriving home from my long arduous, hot, stinky, sweaty physically debilitating day at work today, I discovered that mum, as she always has, took care of me along with my hydration needs, and I found one last bottle of Meijer, natural springwater, mum and Amber wisely had in reserve in the event of a cataclysmic, cosmic, natural, man-made anomaly or scripturally foretold event so it lasted me 270 days.
That made me happy, but I could detect a slight aroma of what appeared to be curry chicken. Knowing that was impossible, I thought I should head upstairs to the cat farm room where Kooper! deposits his unretainable Indian hors d’oeuvres on the floor when he’s not able to joyfully return the Purina pro plan, 20/20 salmon flavored kibble back to nature.
Kooper! did in fact have one little splash on the three decade old dated Barney purple carpet which was unexpected as I was putting down three of the 10 Pet mats that are 24“ x 36“ in size delivered in less than 24 hours from Amazon to the front porch with free delivery for a pittance of $8.95 considering how we now have to rebuild a majority the primary Blue Origin, launch pad. (not to be confused with the Amazon basics pet pad)
And probably spend another billion or so on Jeff Bezos wife’s face as it is probably disintegrating rapidly from excessive ozone openings in the upper atmosphere.
Anyway, my nostriloc sense of curry chicken was correct as I walked into the bathroom and lifted up the toilet seat and realized I need to review many many weeks of camera footage to see which Peejeet in the county made it its way to the upstairs bathroom, filled it with curry chicken like the gentleman discovered on y’all tube needing a shovel to remove it… and then the uncleansed boweled Indian shut the water off to the toilet and left it dry rock hard with an empty dry bowl. Thank you for understanding this matter as I just wanted to come home and have a piece of Sara Lee plain cheesecake on sale this week at Meijer with a few blueberries, blackberries, and a little bit of strawberry cut up on It before hoping to sleep like a baby to rebuild my 12 times punctured internal organ that is gradually retaining as much vitamin K from within too stop the bleed and unintended release of blood that reminds one of Jesus and the sacrifice he made on the cross, shedding his blood for our sins as we are all sinful by nature, and when one believes in the father, the son and the Holy Spirit andJesus, our savior dying on the cross for our sins, we receive the free gift, something we cannot earn, but something that has been given to us as a gift so graciously giving us everlasting life and allowing us to spend eternity with God. Night night.