Stand up Comedian. I tell jokes on stage.
Joined April 2018
- Tweets 544
- Following 394
- Followers 253
- Likes 1,487
68 Photos and videos
9 Jan 2023
I just read that a college student has created an app that can tell whether AI wrote an essay. The app will be called NARC.
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Dan Altano retweeted
28 Mar 2022
This Saturday Dan Altano @DanAltano will be performing! Be sure to get your tickets for 7:30pm or 9:30pm. Come on out for a night filled with great food, drinks, and laughter.
robscomedyplayhouse.com/even…
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4 May 2021
Here’s something you never hear in an autobiography: "But enough about me."
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4 May 2021
Olive Garden: When you're here, you're family. The rest of the week, your kids stay with their mother.
Dan Altano retweeted
12 Apr 2021
Looking at High School yearbook photos from the 80s has me wondering what the hell were we looking at off into the distance?
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Dan Altano retweeted
12 Apr 2021
The fact that there’s now a legit Venn diagram of people who think masks make it impossible to breath & those who think 9 minutes of a knee to the neck don’t...
That’s probably the easiest way to describe the last year
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12 Apr 2021
This show was so fun to be on. @RUSGUTIN has created a great show!
@Philly_Comedy & @LastOutMedia's RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE! SPRING BASEBALL FOOD EDITION! w Comic & Host of #DinnersReadyLive, @DanAltano! Showing (R)us & his WIFEY, Dara, how 2 make DAN's recipeS 4 NY vs CHICAGO HOT DOGS! "Run it through the garden" & enjoy! (youtu.be/QvTJJDrYwGg)
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Dan Altano retweeted
10 Apr 2021
“Never meet your heroes.”
- your heroes
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THIS FRIDAY @ 9 on ZOOM! @Philly_Comedy & @LastOutMedia's RUS GUTIN EXPERIENCE! SPRING BASEBALL FOOD EDITION! w Host of #DinnersReadyLive, @DanAltano! Teaching (R)us & his WIFEY how 2 make DAN's recipeS 4 NY vs. CHICAGO HOT DOGS! Code: (DAN) for $12 TIX: phillycomedyclub.com!
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5 Apr 2021
Why is it that video games let you start over but ex girlfriends don’t?
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1 Apr 2021
Brilliant
1 Apr 2021
April Fool's Day is just one big open mic.
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Dan Altano retweeted
1 Apr 2021
me on April Fools before 2020: “don’t prank me I’m so gullible hehe!”
me now: “I’m one prank away from a full on meltdown if you try anything I swear to god I will snap.”
#AprilFoolsDay
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1 Apr 2021
My favorite part of every single movie is the overhead shot of a big city so we don’t have to wonder where it takes place.
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Dan Altano retweeted
30 Mar 2021
We live in the golden age of conspiracy theories, or so they would have you believe.
#tuesdayvibe #conspiracy
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28 Mar 2021
My favorite kind of song is when someone explains a house party as if they’re the first ones to throw one.
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Dan Altano retweeted
27 Mar 2021
Pfizer & Moderna are superior because they give you 2 shots to earn likes on social media.
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Dan Altano retweeted
21 Mar 2021
When you're married it helps to know sigh language.
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