Stand Up Comedian, Writer, Miami Dolphins fan, & Unrecognizable Road Feature

Joined December 2008
82 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
Replying to @TheFastSaga
@thefastsaga was originally supposed to come out today. This joke is a tribute to a great franchise and a great performance by @therock #f9 #MoreWolves 🐺
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AJ Ewing’s first 3 games: .333 AVG .538 OBP .889 SLG 1.427 OPS 2004 Barry Bonds .362 AVG .609 OBP .812 SLG 1.421 OPS #LGM

ALT Blaming Spider-Man GIF

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This is 100% what the founding fathers had in mind when they drew up the Bill of Rights
Apr 9
🚨 Diddy appeals his conviction and says freak offs were amateur p*rno and are protected by the 1st Amendment. Read more: tmz.me/sk77UR7
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Paying for a Baja Blast with a Mets home run. What a time to be alive. Thanks, Francisco Alvarez! #LGM
Mar 26
FREE BAJA BLAST 😤 Francisco Alvarez gives the people what they want with his 429-foot BLAST! (MLB x @MountainDew)
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If you’re looking for something to do in NYC this weekend, I’m on some shows you should check out: Opening for Janeane Garofalo and @dopequeenpheebs at the Triad Theater in UWS tonight at 8pm Performing on the 6pm show at Eastville Comedy Club in Brooklyn tomorrow night
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Hell yeah, I want to see prosecutions. This was basically treason
The Office of the Manhattan Borough President will be launching an investigation to ensure nothing like this ever happens again.
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The NFL should force any owner of a team that goes 25 years without a playoff win to sell the team
THIS DAY IN DOLPHINS HISTORY: December 30, 2000 - The last time the Miami Dolphins won a playoff game happened 25 years ago today. The Dolphins Beat the Colts 23-17 in Overtime. Lamar Smith in this game ran 40 times for 209 yards, including the game-winning TD in overtime
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Finally
The Miami Dolphins and general manager Chris Grier have mutually agreed to part ways.
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Is there some weird origin story? Did Billy the Marlin kill their parents so they swore vengeance on all finned sports teams?
Update: Chris Grier & Dolphins are 1-6 Mike Grier & Sharks are 0-6 Combined Record = 1-12 THESE BROTHERS SUCK AT THEIR JOBS
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Scott Hanson confirms NFL RedZone will have commercials in some capacity this season — which is something he has no control over. The intro will be: “7 hours of RedZone Football start now.” (via @PatMcAfeeShow)
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The Miami Dolphins would be a way better team if they were allowed to autodraft
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I bet this notification hits different if you have PTSD
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Love early season overreactions by the NY media. Juan Soto struck out at the end his 1st game with the Mets and the NY Post wrote 3 separate articles about it
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RIP
28 Feb 2025
Long live the king 👑 The Kingda Ka roller coaster at Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey was brought down in an implosion to make way for a new ride. When it opened in May of 2005, it was the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world. abcnews.link/1VWl7nf
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Devastating news for the Times Square Olive Garden
I just CANCELED my vacation to New York and donated that $5,000 to the Trump campaign. I will NEVER go back to New York.
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Dave Kinney retweeted
Donald Trump Three Jets seasons 🤝 34 losses in New York
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Same energy
6 May 2024
Get ready. #Superman 7.11.25
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When your photo person isn’t a big sports fan
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Navalny fought misinformation like this -The person in the video isn’t Navalny, it’s his aide -The person he’s meeting with is @JamesFordUK. While Russia suspects he was MI6, they’ve never offered any proof Source: Russian News rt.com/russia/514291-navalny…

It’s horrific when a political opponent dies in jail. But it’s also never good to be caught on camera attempting a coup in your country with a foreign intel service. Navalny in this video is asking MI6 Officer James William Thomas Ford for $10-20 Million a year to start a color revolution in Russia. This is why he was arrested. And has major implications especially in light of the CIA and MI6 sabotaging the Trump administration. Russia and the U.S. are more alike than you think. Sadly.
Community note
The man in the video is not Navalny, but Vladimir Ashurkov, an associate of Navalny. He is not asking the other man for money, he is describing his fundraising pitch. The video is from 2010, first published in 2012. Navalny was sentenced on unrelated charges in 2021. rt.com/russia/514291-…
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