Parody

Joined January 2023
1 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
Well then
Replying to @DestinyTwoTeam
Bungie has made the call to start layoffs as to eventually terminate the entire Destiny 2 team and solely focus all efforts on Marathon. Any remaining assets created over the years and during the Lightfall filler period will be stitched together and marketed as The Final Shape.
14
37
1,692
133,787
diggin in my butt rn
31
319
4,660
238,956
Greetings, Guardians! The team hopes you all are enjoying The Final Shape launch day! We understand some frustrations with the ongoing situation regarding a few error codes here and there, but just know that we are listening!
129
50
1,463
135,750
In light of the recent situation involving company layoffs, the team would like to clarify that all future communications will be made using ChatGPT. Bungie executives have decided to cut down on costs, which includes terminating positions involving community-oriented support.
62
134
1,970
169,803
Bungie has made the call to start layoffs as to eventually terminate the entire Destiny 2 team and solely focus all efforts on Marathon. Any remaining assets created over the years and during the Lightfall filler period will be stitched together and marketed as The Final Shape.
4
16
431
190,920
As a parting message, the team would like to express our deepest gratitudes to the executives who have set a new precedent for pioneering positive change in the gaming industry. Without their heroism and unparalleled leadership our company would truly be lost.
5
8
310
38,082
Hi Jq! The team appreciates your concerns regarding the reporting/suspension systems. Unfortunately, we have nobody left to review in-game reports since the majority of the team has left for Marathon. Our solution to this issue is as follows ⤵️
25 Oct 2023
The 2nd PvP streamer restricted without any given cause or justification within the last two days. First Alex, now Omlet. The suspension system needs a revamp. Either it’s mass reports, or the anti-cheat is straight up failing This really needs addressing .. @Destiny2Team
26
73
1,177
157,663
The system we have in place simply bans reported players randomly. This is due to the team finding it fucking hilarious when people whine like hoes because they can’t play the game. And the best part? We play it off like an accident and everyone just forgets! Hope this helps!
3
22
643
21,143
Hi Snerv! We appreciate your concerns over this game-breaking issue. Unfortunately, the team has no plans to make the emblem obtainable. Therefore, we’d suggest jamming your whiny trap shut with a pacifier so we don’t have to hear you bitch about a colorful rectangle. Thanks!
13
28
320
12,709
The team would like to provide a follow up since the issue appears to have escalated. In response, we will be removing the entirety of the crafting system including The Enclave with the launch of TFS. Until then, the current state of the sandbox will remain as is.
We're aware of an issue that allows specific weapon perks to be crafted into other legendary weapons and are investigating a fix, which will result in these weapons being reset in the future. We currently don't have any plans to disable Trials of Osiris due to this issue.
39
31
357
49,297
Some brief insight from the dev team is as follows: “This shit is too hard to fix.” “We don’t know what the fuck we’re doing.” Please stay tuned for any potential updates after company nap time.
3
20
280
21,433
Hi ritz! At the moment, the team has no plans to alter any sources of glimmer or the rate of glimmer gain. However, we’re happy to report that the team does have changes planned for the glimmer cap and costs associated with glimmer! Changes are as follows ⤵️
37
40
650
275,246
Following the removal of legendary shards, the glimmer cap will actually be reduced to 100K. Additionally, the costs of all subclass-oriented glimmer costs will be raised to 250K. This is all in order to justify the existence of our newest feature: The Glimmer Bank!
5
8
384
33,836
With this feature, players will be able to take out glimmer loans (with respective interest rates) which will be the only way to bypass the aforementioned glimmer cap. These changes are aimed at increasing aggregate play time which will bolster investor appeal. Hope this helps!
8
5
391
27,372
To clarify, the team recognizes how players may view this feature as an “issue”. However, as we’ve previously stated, we’re taking every possible measure to ensure the Gambit experience is as dogshit as possible, as to kill off the playerbase before we vault the playlist in TFS.
The team is aware of an issue regarding Ascendant Shards and resetting your Vendor Ranks. We are actively working on a fix to deploy as soon as possible.
1
7
80
8,501
Hi ritz! We’re glad you brought this to our attention. The team currently has no plans to reimplement freelance, as we hope to kill off the Gambit playerbase before it’s vaulted entirely at the onset of TFS. This move is designed to reduce any resulting backlash. Hope this helps!
22 Aug 2023
bring freelance back @Destiny2Team
12
16
250
14,080
As many of you are getting along with reading the State of the Game we implore you to keep sharing your feedback that we will be extra careful to ignore! Also please do not hesitate to share your criticisms via Reddit, where moderators are hard at work deleting every new post!
78
336
2,240
69,615
We’re well aware of mods being unavailable for players who do not own Lightfall or the Season Pass. This was fully fucking intentional as to increase DLC and seasonal sales, satisfying our investors as we transition into TFS. The team will now be playing this off as an accident.
We are aware of an armor mod that is unavailable for players who do not own Lightfall or the Season Pass due to certain Guardian Rank requirements. This was not intended and the team is working on removing the Rank requirement as soon as possible.
16
66
519
28,726
Got a bud you're trying to get into Destiny or coming back after a break? Fear not, we have this 5000 word new player guide to help anyone who's not quite sure what to do in destiny, including up to date Gambit info from 2021! Eyes up Guardians! bungie.net/7/en/News/article…

2
2
30
4,657
With hotfix 6.3.0.6 scheduled for next year, players are uninstalling en masse. We do not care. If you're experiencing any issues that last beyond restarting your game after updating, please continue speaking into the void on our Bungie Help forums: bungie.net/en/Forums/Topi

DESTINY 2 MAINTENANCE ❖ Hotfix 6.3.0.6 RE-ENABLED FEATURES (web, mobile, and 3rd-party apps) ❖ Destiny 2 Vendors ❖ Item Perks and Mods ❖ Subclass options Report issues or seek assistance here: bungie.net/en/Forums/Topics/…
19
5,504