@Dfwcyko profile picture
Theon👽 @Dfwcyko

Be nice to everyone 😎

Joined March 2019
  • Tweets 15,617
  • Following 3,617
  • Followers 4,624
329 Photos and videos
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Theon👽
@Dfwcyko
12h
My grandpa's always been the guy who helps me through tough times. Been going through a rough patch lately...and somehow he still knows exactly what to say.😂
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bf took me to get undies n he wanted to embarrass me so he said real loud: "i can't wait to rip these off with my teeth ni replied with: "seriously u need to stop, ur my brother" i won
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someone asked me for a nude so i sent them a really zoomed in picture of gordon ramsay's forehead wrinkles and said it was my cleavage and then they sent a wanking video and now i'm in tears some guy just wanked over gordon ramsay's forehead.
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I have waited years for those exact miles just to make this joke. BOOBS 😂😂
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This man on my last nerve
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Is it cool having a police officer brother?🤦🏼‍♂️😂
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Once a month I get sloppily drunk with the boys and Uber home. This text from my wife is why I married her.
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She can break up with me but she can’t break up my chess team.😂
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We call our dog R.B. for short. It stands for Rotisserie Bastard because when we adopted him he ate an entire rotisserie chicken. I constantly forget I put his full government name on file at the vet😂
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Every year Ashley reminds me that I broke up with her on Thanksgiving in 7th grade. It's my favorite tradition.
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when you finally figure out his iCloud password but they start asking you security questions😂
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bro my girlfriend be charging me monthly payments to keep her like its a subscription, what is life🥲
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Why did they just stay quiet after I sent baby chain? True friends never question your madness. 😂
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I spent all morning stressing about how to confess to my girl, then she texted this. Am I single or safe? 💀😂
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Bro needs an Oscar award for the the quickest recovery ever😂
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Some random number just inspired me to turn my life around😂😂
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She chose violence and a recipe 😂😂
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My mom didn't have to do me like that….😂😭😂😭
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Father kick gorilla suit for stepping his son.
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When your girl didn't grow up in the church so you just replace "Lord" with "babe"
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