188 Photos and videos
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Venerable old museums weren't designed with modern traffic flow. But no worries, they can put up some signs. “Turn right” is just one example.
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My birth trauma? More of a mild surprise. An annoyance, tbh.
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Explaining to aliens how a pizza cooked at home isn’t as good as delivery but that it’s the exact opposite for toast.
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14 Jan 2019
I’d like to speak to you in the hallway.
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Jun 5
Twitter is the servant of a wise user, the master of a fool.
~ The Tao te Tweet
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me, driving while on the phone with my wife: yes, i have the car. who’s with me? well, a bunch of raccoons, that’s who. yes, the same ones that got me kicked out of burger king, what’s your point? where are we going? {i look at the raccoon in the passenger seat} we don’t know.
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May 28
Glass is a poor choice for slippers. Doesn’t breathe. Terrible traction when dancing with princes.
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Inevitably, we discuss melon wrapped in prosciutto. I raise my hand. “Couldn’t we just throw the melon on the ground for ants to drag away?”
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24 Apr 2021
No, you may not get a what-what. You can have this pen from a bank, but that is all.
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15 Mar 2017
His scarf matched his shirt matched his pants. He was like a drapery, but far less useful.
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Jun 3
Unless a chicken cooked it, it should just be called “fried steak.”
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Jun 3
I don’t write much anymore but I did write five new tweets recently. This is one of them.
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Does anyone want to join me in an Ask Jeeves chat room on belt-sander maintenance? The discussions can get sensual at times.
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*1st date*
do you pronounce your name bee-ah-zull-bub?
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