I'm proud to announce that my Three Hundred Ways series of blog posts is now available as a full-fledged book on Gumroad! Follow @300waysproject to get the contents in your X feed. Retweets appreciated. I'm grateful for your support throughout the years. ————・𖥸・————

this tweet is the most condensed version of “everything i know about what facilitates transformation/healing/inner work in a single tweet” satisfying to be able to get it down to 3 points

When I think about masculinity and femininity, one of the synergistic patterns I see is: Woman [inspires] man and elevates him to a higher level Man [provides solidity] to woman and is her rock and interdependent grounding Women: raise his ceiling Men: raise her floor

with this final item, this X component of my 300 Ways project has come to an end. to celebrate this milestone, I have made the book available for free. thank you all for following along. ——————・𖥸・——————

Happy new year everyone 💝🎉

finally upgraded my TOTEM with custom-made engravings and invisible magnetic tenting foldable stands. pleased to say it's probably one of the top keyboards in the world rn. I couldn't be happier with it!

I actually think that (with a small alteration) this graph shows the difference between kindness and niceness pretty well

it should be possible to quickly save a series of tabs as a small piece of text. share entire tab sessions with people; save tab sessions in note-taking systems and mark them as being related to [[topic]]; etc. brain-context-states should be shareable units.

You should think "if I were born in conservative Muslim culture in the 1500s, what type of cognitive rules would I need to have to realize my culture was insane", and then apply those exact rules to this current culture.

what i’ve seen from coaching a number of smart people, esp. those with meditation experience, is that there can be a window where someone’s general lvl of awareness* is high, but their compassion, forgiveness and love lvls are quite low this can really suck: more is seen and yet it’s all interpreted through the lens of deficiency or ‘this is not ok’ if you find yourself in this place, i’d really recommend switching your focus and energy into cultivation practices: metta and forgiveness will do most of the heavy lifting. a daily gratitude practice will help too. give it at-least a month: it’s okay if at first metta just makes you cry or brings up sadness/grief/challenging emotions. see if it’s alright to just be with me, gently, patiently *awareness lvl here = both their ability to direct attention at the subtle lvl and also more widely their self-awareness and understanding of their patterns, motivations and so on. the latter can be much higher than the norm

it is now a year since my father passed away—decades too early. I miss his pressure-free care, his practical advice, his grounding presence. I miss the amazing meals he cooked. I miss his pure heart. most of all I miss his laughter. I wish I could hug him one last time. 💔

stillness is one of the more coarse/gross examples of this since it’s physical i think one form of progress in meditation is noticing the subtler examples of the same motion/movement happening at different levels breathing → following the breath stilling the body → relaxing to stillness focused attention ←→ open awareness ‘feeling’ emotions → noticing emotions

slutcon ended over a week ago but i wanted to reflect more on my experience. much of the writing around the event focused on its mechanics: the talks, the "flirt girls", the demographics of attendees, the cost, etc. all fine talking points but it's missing the forest for the trees if you ask me.. when the event ended, I felt as though I'd received a gift. like the event was this elaborately staged alternate reality meant to convey something important but was never explicitly stated. the more you'd explore, the more it'd tug at you. simply put, the space communicated: "we love men", "be authentic even if it's cringe", "it's okay to fail", "let's have fun". these feels were there to normalize a relation that's gone askew. the male/female dynamic is caught in an unhealthy arms race. men want something (sex, validation, etc.) and have developed sophisticated ways to conceal their intent, and women have developed ways just as sophisticated to suss out intent and protect themselves from overreach. we've over-indexed on offense/defense and it's turned us into malformed creatures who cannot openly express our desires. slutcon was staged de-escalation. men were asked to be honest about their intentions, own their potential rejection, and enjoy the process while letting go of the outcome. women were asked to meet that honesty with openness, be direct with their boundaries and engage generously. it was an experiment that put faith in us getting to a better place if we had more empathy. the gift i felt at the end was feminine containment. the women were actively holding an emotional (and physical) space. in this space men could lean in to our charming selves because our fears were minimized. you feared rejection less because "we love men", you feared embarrassment less because "be authentic, even if it's cringe", you feared inadequacy less because "it's okay to fail". the space was beautiful, clean, filled with curious objects and a zillion cubbyholes. groups would materialized and evaporate and materialize again in new forms with virtually no cliques. it all created a sense of ease where the men stopped acting and the women were relieved. we could all just be. ty @Pandora_Delaney @Chesedgirl @Aella_Girl

so yesterday I got accused of loving all women and I was like "definitely not" but my partner disagreed and said "name literally ONE woman you don't like" so my brain went [Trump -> but he's not female -> OK, Melania] so imo we need a female Hitler for referent purposes

Something I really enjoyed about slutcon. I found an overwhelming number of participants to be genuinely good men. they wanted women to have a good experience. They also wanted other men to have a good experience. I found this to be very encouraging and consistently had thoughts that these guys can have an increasingly positive impact on the culture of relating between men and women. the most consistent hang up I witnessed as a passer by, and in deeper conversations with them tho, was them struggling to believe that their desires would be additive and not subtractive to the lives of the flirt girls and everyone around them. like, they struggled to see themselves (in a future sense, minds eye) creating more goodness, play, and juiciness. they tended to worry that they would somehow harm or bother or mess something up for the people around them. when honestly, I saw them as much more likely to improve the lives of everyone they came into contact with, if only they let themselves believe that. and many of them did over the course of even a couple days I left feeling more strongly than I already did that, if we can give these men their confidence back, or in some cases, give them confidence for the first time in their lives, our culture will be improved because of it 👊

some thoughts on flirts at slutcon what decreased my attraction: - being disrespectful to other men (e.g. blocking other guys from interacting with me) - compliments that put other women down - talk too much about himself before I showed curiosity - negative talk about self

Back in early college, I was reading a lot of toxic manosphere blogs/subreddits to uncover ways to better communicate with women, two ideas stood out: 1) flirting is a zero sum game, you cannot show weakness 2) don't ever ask a woman what she finds attractive, it's like ask a fish how to catch a fish - how would it know what to tell you? In implementing those principals, I gained temporary confidence and was able to make small improvements in my ability to talk to women and get laid. However, the medium/long-term effects of those ideas was being inflexible when women would shit-test me, along with the weird belief that no woman could ever possibly give you advice on that they would want to experience when flirting/dating/relating/etc. It also may have greatly aggravated my avoidant tendencies. After a year or two, I switched to the mindset of: "I'm an interesting person, I want to see if they're an interesting person, and if we don't connect then that's fine, nothing has changed." The flimsy pick-up lines disappeared and I let my curious personality flow out and ask what was on my mind. It resulted in not just getting laid way more but like 10x the connection with women most importantly disqualifying people low in overall compatibility. It's like I was playing live jazz music again, both of us tense, yet relaxed, reading each other in the moment - waiting to play the next note. Will it clash? Harmonize? Do we even care as long as the rhythm continues pulsing between us? I love human improv, I love trying to roll with spicy moments (most of the time), and it's okay if things are messy sometimes. I feel like these ideas are never communicated well to men. Talia nails what it took me a few years to figure out: good flirting is just a collaborative exercise in figuring out if two people are interesting in similar ways. The women at SlutCon seem to have been doing the highest good by helping guys understand how to better relate to women in a safe space. I'm more amazed at every observation I read. I can't wait to go next year!