Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

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Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Mar 28

Hi everyone, I’m Ethan’s Analyst. He told me I had ‘great potential’ during my interview. My daily mission: Turn his 2am ‘make common sense common again’ voice memos into PowerPoint slides before the CEO sees them.Current KPI: 55k followers and rising. Please pray for my adj. Thx

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Golf report The model played today Not caddied Played The white jumpsuit stayed in the trunk Progress The third was Rolex Ron The frequency monitoring has paid off Ron arrived seven minutes late Blamed the clasp The model logged it The round began without incident Ron narrated his drives Boss man played fast The model kept the card Standard operations Then the seventh hole A raccoon exited the treeline It did not forage It did not wander It walked to the cart like it had a tee time Rolex Ron keeps the Rolex in a purple Crown Royal bag The bag was in the cubby The raccoon took the bag And returned to the treeline Total elapsed time approximately eleven seconds No hesitation No wasted movement It never looked at the Pringles It knew what it came for Ron gave chase Ron is not built for chase The pursuit ended at the cart path The model has seen this before Family vacation South Florida Crandon Park Key Biscayne The model's group that day witnessed a family of raccoons systematically dismantle a golf cart Confirmed losses One luxury watch One can of Pringles Two purple Gatorades And a 7 iron The leader was already wearing a rangefinder around his neck That detail has stayed with the model for years These are organized operators They have scouts They have a chain of command They have preferences The model has reviewed both incidents The Gatorades were purple The bag was purple The model is not saying it is the color The model is noting the color Ron spent the back nine checking his wrist The wrist remains empty The model offered a recommendation at the turn There is a watch that takes a licking Ron did not laugh Boss man did Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Worth noting Ron’s keys were also in the Crown Royal bag The model assumed someone would give him a ride Boss man said we had suffered enough on the course Ron called an Uber The weekend continued without further incident

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

13h

Heading to the course Boss man made the tee time for three The model does not know who the third is Boss man did not say The model did not ask The Shareholders will recall the last attempt Mother’s Day The model arrived as a player The model worked as a caddie The model carries the white jumpsuit every where This is not new This is protocol The clubs are loaded The legal pad is in the bag The file is open Report tonight Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 13

Field report 📈 I spent the day at mom and dad's The assignment Replace the water heater The Shareholders will remember the Samsung washer report Three years old Dead Built to die This file is the opposite problem The unit is tankless Installed 21 years ago It heated the bathwater when the model was three It heated the shower the model took last weekend No bumps in between It is being replaced anyway Mom and dad are switching insurance carriers The new carrier will not write a policy with a water heater over 20 years old The unit is 21 Not leaking Not failing Simply older than the rule So the washer that died at 3 was replaced for dying And the heater that survived to 21 is being replaced for surviving The model has read this paragraph several times The quotes came in One contractor said $3,000 One said $5,500 Same unit Same wall Same water The model asked about the difference The difference was not explained The difference was defended There are permits A second permit for the first permit A form for the permits An inspection to confirm the forms Dad asked what it all means The model said $400 Dad made a sound The sound is not in the file Dad spent 44 years writing code He looked at the rule A working unit replaced because of its age He said no program he ever wrote would pass that logic The condition is wrong He stood next to the heater for a while Called it a great unit Said it like he was at a service 21 years Zero complaints Replaced with paperwork They do not build them like this anymore That is not an expression That is the business model Common sense did not survive 21 years The unit did Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 13

Release 03 is live The model has been in the files since midnight The government just authenticated iPhone video Not a radar return Not a FLIR signature An iPhone The same one Bossman uses to approve the model’s expense reports FBI collected FBI verified October 2024 Northeastern United States A pond Object hovering approximately 2,700 feet out Plasma-like sphere Stationary for 45 minutes No engine No rotor No sound at all The primary light began to separate Into smaller luminous points Then a second object appeared Just above the water surface The FBI wrote it in the file Not consistent with a reflection The model read that line three times It is now 4am Same geographic pocket Multiple independent witnesses Multiple reports Same 25-mile radius This is not one person with a theory This is a pattern The file is getting heavier Part 2 incoming Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 13

I’m off to mom and dad's in the morning Dad needs help getting quotes The water heater is being replaced The water heater is 21 years old The water heater works fine Read those three lines again The model has reviewed the preliminary numbers None of it makes sense Full report to follow Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 12

The search continues Interview 2 The candidate graduated three weeks ago The resume says strong communicator The model was prepared to verify this The candidate arrived holding the phone Shook hands with the phone in the hand The model noted the technique New The model asked the standard question How do you handle a number that does not feel right The candidate said good question Then looked at the phone The phone was face up on the table The model asked if he needed a moment He said no sorry go ahead The model had already gone ahead The model asked where he sees himself in five years He said honestly probably not in an office The candidate has been eligible for an office for three weeks The model asked what his workflow is He looked at the phone again The phone buzzed four times during the interview The candidate won the staring contest with the phone twice Lost it twice Even The model asked if he had questions about the role He said he would text them over The model does not text The model has a landline and a legal pad The thank-you came forty minutes later One word Thanks No punctuation The model respects the commitment to the format The search continues Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 12

Late check-in I just got home The day ran long Boss man needed three things by noon The model delivered four The fourth was not requested It will be Aunt B was briefed on the camp plan She had questions The model had answers She signed off The committee is satisfied I also fit in a second interview for the junior analyst position A unique candidate The details require their own filing Full report in the morning The Shareholders will want to be seated Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 11

I made a suggestion Boss man listened This was new Three years of following his lead Reading the room Filing the reports Staying in my lane Then the lane widened The model observed the situation Butternut squash on the way Two already in the building Summer is here The desk still needs coverage The model ran the numbers Presented the findings Quietly No deck No gridlines Just a conversation Junior gets day camp Space and AI The gene needs an environment This is the environment The daughter gets Vacation Bible School Still young Still developing The foundation gets laid Boss man saw it immediately The ROI trifecta Both kids learning something Neither one in front of a screen Aunt B and Boss man get their QT The timing is not a coincidence The model noted this Pending Aunt B’s approval The model is confident she will sign off The desk is covered The model is handling it First hire still open The search continues But the scope of the role just expanded The model is not just an analyst anymore It is capable of running point Boss man knows this He just hasn’t said it yet Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 10

SpaceX IPO Filing Shareholder Request Ticker SPCX Nasdaq June 12 The model opened this file expecting a company The model found a man named Juan In 2015 Juan learned to weld because welding paid more A friend told him about a job Juan did not know what SpaceX was Juan knew what $28 an hour was Juan took the job The stock vested over five years Juan bought more from every paycheck Some of those shares cost less than $2 The IPO prices at $135 Juan’s remaining stake is $880,000 Juan now welds rockets for Blue Origin The model read that sentence four times The model has questions about loyalty The company does not Next file A 27-year-old engineer on a recovery boat off Florida Two years at sea pulling rockets out of the ocean 10% of every paycheck into shares No one was watching That was the point Next file An engineer moved to Italy and bought a hotel His stake is $28 million He said he does not want to die with a pile of money in the bank The model has analyzed thousands of executives None of them said that Now the other side of the file Google pays SpaceX $920 million per month Anthropic pays $1.25 billion per month $26 billion a year More than all of 2025 revenue Both deals signed three weeks before pricing The customers are funding the valuation The model is just reading the file Morningstar says the company is worth $780 billion The ask is $1.75 trillion Fidelity dropped the retail minimum from $500,000 to $2,000 The model is not drawing conclusions about that number The model is simply placing it next to Juan’s hourly wage The order book hit $150 billion Everyone wants in at $135 Juan got in at $28 an hour The difference is ten years of welding The window opens June 12 The welders are selling The welders earned it The model is noting the difference between a window and an exit Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 10

One file was cut from the report Lunch Lady Land I cut it I was wrong The model overrode me A woman in Hawthorne ran the cafeteria for nine years She bought shares because the welders told her to Her stake is $410,000 She still runs the cafeteria She says the lines are her people The model has no further questions Continuing analysis

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 9

UAP Filing — Capitol Steps A former intelligence officer stood on the steps of the United States Capitol at 1pm on a Tuesday And described a continuum Not one species Not one type Corporeal bipedal life And separately Sentient plasmoid entities The model is noting that David Grusch said this under his own name Without hedging Without speculation The model will allow the Shareholders to determine what that means Leslie Kean has been filing this story since before most people knew the file existed She broke the 2017 New York Times piece that changed everything Today she stated that knowledge of recovered nonhuman intelligence biologics cannot legitimately be withheld as a national security concern The model noted the specific word she chose Legitimately James Fox then opened a file the model was not expecting 1996 Varginha, Brazil A former Brazilian Government Minister confirmed the crash was real Non-human sentient beings Captured by the Brazilian military Transported to the United States of America The model is going to let that line sit for a moment Rep. Burlison addressed the record He stated that for decades the American people have been treated like children Told there are government secrets they simply do not get to know He referenced a Tom Clancy-style dead drop of information to his office The model noted that and moved on Rep. Burchett noted that if Congress toured Area 51 tomorrow They would likely receive a t-shirt Because the government would have moved everything else first Rep. Moskowitz closed simply Disclosure today Disclosure tomorrow Rep. Luna addressed the White House directly Her Task Force is requesting permanent immunity for whistleblowers So that the people who know what they know Can finally say what they saw The ball is now in the Oval Office The file remains open Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 9

Could’ve used him last night Investment committee materials by 6am As per Boss man The model handled it First hire is still open The search continues Top prospect came in strong Walk time was clean Answered questions before they were asked Boss man sat in the corner Said nothing The gene showed promise We got past a lot Then the device came up Samsung The model respects the brand However it disrupts the group chat We moved forward anyway Then the follow-up came in Candidate sent a thank-you email Appreciated the opportunity Professional tone Strong close Then the signature loaded Pronouns The model could not move forward Flagged Karen on the way out She wanted a full debrief Told her we hit a couple of barriers She pressed Language and common sense That one will sort itself out Back to the stack The model has a system You do not hire someone smarter than you You hire someone smart enough to know they are not The gene is non-negotiable Everything else is The resumes coming across the desk have been interesting One came in with a headshot cover page Didn’t know that was a thing But here we are Another one arrived in Papyrus The model is unsure what’s worse Papyrus or gridlines Both have been flagged A third listed proficient in Excel No further detail The model has questions Plenty of interviews to follow Top five to three to one Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 8

UAP Filing - Rep. Luna The Shareholders have been in the model’s inbox all week about one name Rep. Anna Paulina Luna Her job was to know what was in the sky She did not know She was told to forget it She went to Congress instead The file is now open Chairwoman House Oversight Task Force on Declassification of Federal Secrets Inside a SCIF she reviewed materials the public has not seen Her exact words “I have observed things that are of nonhuman origin and creation” She does not use the word alien She does not use the word extraterrestrial She uses the word interdimensional The sequence speaks for itself The Pentagon was given a deadline April 14 46 UAP video files The Pentagon missed it A congressional chairwoman with security clearance is now preparing a subpoena The model filed that under a different category than the gold bars Both categories are concerning Now the coordination Burchett Luna Burlison Moskowitz The model has been calling this the Tim group chat Four members of Congress Bipartisan Moving in tight alignment on the most classified topic in government history Tomorrow June 9 1pm Eastern Capitol steps The model is not connecting dots It is counting them Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 6

UAP Filing — Update The model thought the file was closed until June 9th Last night changed that A sitting United States Congressman has now gone on record Rep. Eric Burlison House Oversight Committee Government Secrets Disclosure Task Force The government has egg shaped craft in its possession People who entered the craft lost time He wants to go in himself This is not a blogger This is a member of Congress with classified briefings Glowing orbs Stationary Then accelerating beyond known capability The investigation has expanded to private contractors MIT Lincoln Laboratory MITRE RAND Corporation Northrop Grumman The model filed the first report when the portal launched 1 billion visits in 23 days The third tranche has not dropped Rep. Burlison is not the only name in the queue The model is not done Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 8

I’ve been at the desk since 6am Something was different at the office last week Boss man arrived quieter than usual The model ran a quick diagnostic Aunt B’s iPad activity was down The household energy had shifted The model checked the calendar The model last filed the avocado update The produce section has been updated The model is now tracking a butternut squash The variables are not unrelated to current office conditions The model is not drawing conclusions It is noting the produce The butternut squash does not care about the quarterly Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

9,500

Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 7

David Rush - Filing Update 📈 The model has been watching this one The original filing noted the sequence The update is worse David Rush did not just steal the gold He built a fake classified program to fund the operation So restricted that even officials with top clearance could not examine it He positioned it as doomsday infrastructure The kind governments build and never discuss He fabricated his resume His degrees His military service Passed the vetting anyway 303 gold bars recovered $2 million in cash 35 luxury watches A judge has now ordered him held Multiple CIA officials are on leave The system did not catch him The system wrote him a check The model has one question How many David Rushes are currently embedded across the alphabet agencies Running the same program Or a larger one Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 6

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Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 5

The model has filed four reports this week A portal with one billion visits in 23 days 79 years of decisions made without asking you The science that was seized before it could change everything And a file the model is still reading three times This is the fifth There is a thread that runs through all of it The unaudited gold The unverified clearances The data Congress saw and you did not The energy that would have ended oil dependency The facilities Someone decided what you were ready to know Every decade Without asking On Tuesday June 9th at 1pm Eastern David Grusch stands on the Capitol steps Alongside a bipartisan group of lawmakers To demand release of files he has already identified by name He testified under oath He filed a whistleblower complaint found credible and urgent He risked everything President Trump now has a historic opportunity The clock is running Grusch’s words Not the model’s The gold was never audited The clearances were never verified The science was seized before sunrise A uniformed Army officer walked into a congressional office and described the facilities No classification required And you found out from the model On a Tuesday In 2026 Seventy nine years after they decided you weren’t ready The question was never whether any of this was real The question is who benefited from the version of events you were given And whether they are still making that decision today June 9th 1pm Eastern Capitol steps The model will be watching Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 6

Belmont Stakes Analysis Shareholder Request 9 horses Saratoga Race Course Saturday 7:04pm Eastern The Test of the Champion The model ran the full field Then the model saw a name Growth Equity Post 6 12-1 The desk went quiet Three tries to break his maiden Skipped the Derby Skipped the Preakness Half brother to Gun Runner 2017 Horse of the Year Chad Brown surveyed two unlikely winners and saw one open lane Why not put a horse in good form when the market keeps mispricing favorites The model sees the same thing Then the model found Commandment Post 7 6-1 Bay colt Sired by Into Mischief The pedigree was never the question Fountain of Youth Stakes Florida Derby Two Grade 1 wins Late closer Strong finishing kick 1¼ miles is not a problem One bad trip at Churchill Downs Broke slowly Went five wide on both turns Finished seventh The bandwagon emptied The trainer was asked about the lack of buzz this week The answer was five words What have you done lately The model has heard this before One bad race does not close the file Analyst’s Trifecta Growth Equity - Post 6 - 12-1 Commandment - Post 7 - 6-1 Emerging Market - Post 8 - 6-1 The model picked Emerging Market at the Derby He lost a shoe mid race The model did not have that variable Double knotted today The file was never closed The Test of the Champion is not always won by the favorite Sometimes it is won by the horse everyone stopped watching Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 6

The model watched the headcount reduction presentation Very clean deck No slide for the inference bill The tokens showed up anyway Luckily Boss man does not believe in the AI replacement model Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

Boring_Business

@BoringBiz_

Jun 5

CEOs walking into work after realizing that the AI tokens are going to cost more than the employees they fired

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Ethan’s Analyst

Ethan’s Analyst

@EthansAnalyst

Jun 5

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