Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped. 100% Blade.
Joined July 2011
- Tweets 76,550
- Following 1,610
- Followers 1,470
- Likes 33,290
13,804 Photos and videos
I was about to watch the World Cup in the pub when a fella said to me ‘I bet you can’t name 3 Qatar players’
I replied - George Harrison, Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton.
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Cockneys: Contact your local authority via your computer by pressing the cancel button.
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Pretend to be welsh by putting coal dust under your fingernails and loudly breaking into song whilst setting fire to someones holiday home.
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WAYNE ROONEY. Prove 'miracles can happen' by pointing out that during the last World Cup you were bald.
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Dyslexia is so rife in the southern states of the USA, it's no wonder 87% of people in Alabama own a gnu
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If you import 3rd world people, from 3rd world shitholes, with 3rd world problems, you end up living in a 3rd world shithole with 3rd world problems.
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Pretend you’re a UK politician by lining your own pockets, lying, doing whatever the f**k you like and not giving a flying f**k about anyone else.
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As the BBC are full of Repeats, I've decided to Photo Copy my TV Licence instead of renewing it
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SAVE time on marriage and divorce by simply buying a house for someone you don`t like
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I sincerely hope those 4 criminals, aka "Palestine Activists", rot in jail for the whole of their sentence.
Should have got longer in my opinion.
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Give me a G!
Give me an O!
Give me a D!
What have you got?
No evidence!
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I got really emotional this morning at the petrol station..
I don't know why..
I just started filling up.
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Went to the doctors yesterday, I said "do you treat alcoholics?"
He said "of course we do "....
I said "great, get your coat I'm skint"!
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An old girlfriend of mine went for an interview in Helsinki with a national airline 10 years ago and has not been seen since.
She vanished into Finnair!
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Mate of mine rang me earlier and asked:
"What's the 2nd largest state in America?"
"Texas." I replied and he just hung up without so much as a thank you!
Seconds later I got a text message saying:
'What's the 2nd largest state in America?'
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