Joined March 2019
- Tweets 123,376
- Following 2,644
- Followers 7,888
- Likes 171,939
1,804 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
8 Jan 2025
To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
2 Jan 2020
(Family hoping I will stick to my new years resolution to stop doing wacky stuff)
Me: (on Jan 2) Ok, so the prison bus rental guy will be here any minute with my prison bus...
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
24 Dec 2024
Who creatures not up stirring not even they mouse
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
16 Dec 2021
🎶 Faithful friends who are dear to us / Who share beer with us once more 🎵
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
2 Dec 2020
Happy Hollandaise > Happy Holidays
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
23 Dec 2020
Eggnog? I think eggnot.
Jk. Pass me that festive shit.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
17 Dec 2024
The name is Grinch...James Grinch.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
25 Dec 2024
Hostage Negotiator: What do we have, cap?
Police Captain: It's another figgy pudding situation.
Hostage Negotiator: Again?!
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
10 Jul 2021
I forgot the name for wood stove so instead I called it indoor camp fire.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
13 Dec 2021
Wu-Tang Christmas tree
👐
WU
RZA
METH
SHIMMY
C.R.E.A.M.
36 CHAMBERS
PROTECT YA NECK
FOR THE CHILDREN
DIVERSIFY YO BONDS
ODB
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
25 Dec 2021
(\_/) (\_/)
( •_•) (•_• )
/>🎁 🧸<\
Merry Christmas.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
1 Dec 2021
Deeply concerning if literal: Last Christmas I gave you my heart.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
22 Dec 2022
Now, come, come, Mr. Grinch. You get as much fulfillment out of killing as I do.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
23 Dec 2022
👏FIX👏ALL👏THE👏BROKEN👏SELF-CHECKOUTS👏
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
20 Dec 2022
Pie Hard is a Christmas smoothie.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
28 Oct 2020
Mood: casting director reviewing headshots for Headless Horseman role
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
31 Oct 2021
Many idle hands make light devil's advocate.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
2 Nov 2021
Me: Finally some quiet time. Just me and my thoughts.
Devil on my shoulder: I'll tell you who could go for some thots.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
22 Feb 2022
Being dead is the ultimate form of ghosting.
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
31 Oct 2024
(•_•) They did the Monster Mash
<) )>
/ \
\(•_•) The Monster Mash
( (>
/ \
(•_•)/ It was a graveyard smash
<) )
/ \
(•_•) They did the Mash
<( (>
/ \
(•_•)
√( (> It caught on in a flash
/ \
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Fomo Simpson retweeted
26 May 2025
I’m curious what my kids think all the trash cans in the house are for.
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