🚨 BRAKING 🚨
This is a dark day for football, music, and America. I’ve been shaking with rage and punching my phone screen for the last hour
It was announced on Instagram that Tyler Swift - who has never had a #1 song and was caught drinking and swearing on live TV - is now “engaged” (Latin for “married”) to Jason Kelce. Her quest to move from irrelevance to fame and fortune, which started with her showing up uninvited to a Chiefs game in 2023, is now complete.
I can only hope that Kelce has the strongest pre-nup known to man to prevent her from stealing his money. This would never have happened if Kelce had married a superior musician and role model like Demi Lovato, Ashlee Simpson, or Cardi B
RIP America. It was a good run