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Ian Power @IHPower

If any of my tweets annoy you, please remember I'm just trying to have a laugh. If none of my tweets have annoyed you, be patient, they will.

Joined July 2010
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Ian Power@IHPower
8 May 2018
I, for one, am a great fan of Roman numeral puns.
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"What shall we call the machine that presses and laminates the product?" "We'll call it machinethatpressesandlaminatestheproduct." - How German works
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Does anyone else give their alarm clock a name? Mine's called 'Cunt'.
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Walkers prefer to go out on a crisp morning.
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Although you can have a crafty wank beneath the sheet unnoticed, your face may give it away. Related: I need to find a new barber.
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"Fuck's sake"... "I don't believe that!"... "What a cunt!"... "Jesus wept"… "Get out of the fucking way!"… "Fucking idiot!"… - Me, driving.
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Homophobia is like hating someone who's having a coffee because you only drink tea. Racism is like hating the coffee drinker for having a red mug.
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I think my neighbours' safe word is thatcuntsatthewindowagain.
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What if you counted your blessings and found one missing. You'd just feel worse, wouldn't you? Fucking stupid saying.
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When it comes to takeaways my wife prefers Thai, while I love Indian. So we usually compromise and have Thai.
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When the moon hits the sky like a big pizza pie, that's when you should cut down on the drugs.
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Having a 'Only God Can Judge Me' tattoo is a great way to make people judge you.
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My boss said he’ll sack me if he sees me tweeting again. Ha! As if he’d ever find a better Air Traffic Controller than me.
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I hear a round of applause every time I open my cooker's door. I think it's a fan oven.
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I’m - I remember when you could only buy olive oil in a chemist’s for earache - years old.
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A prostitute lives near me with a bird of prey and a man who vacuums at night listening to 80s synth pop. Whore, kestrel, man hoovers in the dark.
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"That's pukka, bruv! Can I 'ave some more?" - Jamie Oliver Twist.
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“Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “The doorbell repairman”
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Just ate a vegan meal. And to make it as healthy as possible I only put vinegar on them.
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The Charlatans were originally called The Homeopaths.
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I had my doubts but my oxymoron classes are going terribly well.
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