A son must differentiate physically from a mother, but a daughter must differentiate psychically in her interiority.
There are places the feminine can (and must) go that require a death. Like the journeys of Persephone, Inanna and Psyche - getting stripped of everything and descending into the underworld to do what no man can do, arriving at complete dissolution of self before re-ascending with the gifts.
The descent we are missing is ultimately into the body/matter/mater. And how can a society that subordinates the body to capital honor the sacredness of this feminine descent? She is visible only to few, invisible to most.
These journeys of descent are the great feminine initiations and our culture does not celebrate them nor recognize them because we expect the feminine to “rise” or ascend into spirit (like the masculine journey), not descend.
The egoic trap for a woman is the entitlement and arrogance to succeed, perform, and be right like a man, rather than descending into the heart and the gnosis of the body. The cultural misogyny is that society demands her sacredness without sacrifice.
In other words, the man must journey out to become the hero, and the heroine must journey in to become the destination.
We desperately need women to go on a soul descent and collectively hate it at the same time. Because it demands a death.
It didn't register for me until today that the process of ego maturity for women is fraught with all kinds of challenges that men don't have true analogues for. Not in the maiden-mother-matriarch sense, but more in the difficulty facing shadow without hate. I think it's much harder for women to build a strong, self-critical ego structure that sees the weaknesses of their own sex without toppling over into individual self-hatred or culturally organized misogyny. This is partly because the maturity of femininity partially requires more contact with the social and superegoic than the maturity of masculinity, at least at some stages. And this is partly because there really just is a huge well of misogyny in culture - from both men and women - that is unique as a phenomenon.
Misandry exists but it's not a true analog - that's a chimera of different resentments, envies and projections aimed at different groups of males, more differentiated by status. Misogyny has deep roots in the psyche via our relationship to our mothers at extremely young, primitive years. There is also an attachment component that is irreducible within our earliest, inner conception of "woman." It's an awful thing to have been insufficiently fathered but it's crippling to have been insufficiently mothered. Combine that with the natural prejudices of the animal brain toward strength and size, and misogyny simply has a much larger surface area in the collective consciousness. That makes it uniquely hazardous to try and avoid while coming to grips with a hard, realistic picture of maleness and femaleness as they actually are, not as we would like them to be.
Of course men have our own unique struggles, but the path to a mature femininity seems to have many more psychological "near enemies" and emotional landmines that I hadn't considered until now. And the tendency to frame misogyny in moralizing terms that always victimizes women, rather than seeing women as full moral agents and patients who carry fully half of it in the collective unconscious, means you almost never see a realistic treatment of the issue written down anywhere. It's giving me a new appreciation for the difficulty of personal work and ego development that women face.
Would love to hear from friends about their own observations here, on true differences between genders in the process of maturity.