Joined January 2012
- Tweets 427
- Following 49
- Followers 5
- Likes 401
5 Photos and videos
27 Feb 2023
Being sober is trippy. I can legally drive at all hours of the day now.
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Michael retweeted
13 Feb 2023
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11 Feb 2023
Traveling on a private jet is how we can stop climate change. If you don’t believe me just ask @BillGates. @Baldprivilege we should fly to Kenya on a private jet to do our part in reducing C02 production.
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Michael retweeted
9 Feb 2023
Every working stiff I know has done the math for a hot dog stand outside the Home Depot.
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8 Feb 2023
If you are not flying around on a private jet preaching to everyone about how they need to use less fossil fuels.
Are you really doing your part to fight climate change?
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Michael retweeted
30 Jan 2023
Take a trip with #CocaineBear. In theaters February 24.
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Michael retweeted
14 Dec 2022
What happens if you instacart a digiorno pizza? I feel like a blackhole forms or something.
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14 Jul 2022
Are the 1-900 number still a thing. Can I still have a wet and wild time over the phone just by using my credit card number?
Michael retweeted
25 Jun 2022
Anything on the tweeter that doesn’t include abortion? Not that it’s relevant but, I feel like we are beating a dead horse and her unborn foal.
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Michael retweeted
25 Jun 2022
They say youth is wasted on the youth but I think retirement is wasted on the old
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19 Jun 2022
Is there anything more freighting for a parent at a kids birthday party then watching one of the birthday kids parent bust out a mariachi guitar?
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17 Jun 2022
My biggest fear in life is my wife telling me the truth about how much she spends on yarn.
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14 Jun 2022
Have you played catch with you child and found out they are really talented at baseball, then cried. Because you have realized you lost your weekends for the next 10 years because of school sports.
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Michael retweeted
11 Jun 2022
I like Pork Butts and can not lie
You other Dads can’t deny
When that smoker’s lit up, a cold beer in your cup
And a spicy rub on that butt, you get SPRUNG 🎶
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Michael retweeted
8 Apr 2022
Maybe you got a tax refund, maybe not. Either way, you deserve #FreeBacon. Retweet this post for a chance to win premium bacon while supplies last. #JDBaconPayouts #Sweepstakes NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. Ends 4/18/22. To enter and for Official Rules, visit bit.ly/35UZ7VC
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18 Apr 2022
Why are all the people really concerned about climate change the same people who excessively travel via airliners and jet planes.
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