I have a new hour special called, "Hi Y'all!" I released a little while ago on YouTube but for anyone who is too addicted to this app to go elsewhere, here it is:

Is 38 too old to start fighting? For reference: I’m 4’11” with a 63” reach and have no dad

SINCERE POST ALERT My dad would have been 72 today. I wrote this song about our relationship after he passed away in 2020. I hope he’s somewhere doing speedballs in the sky.

I wanna do a season of my podcast in its old original format interview people about some aspect of their lifestyle — religion, culture, sexuality, gender, job, hobby/special interest, etc. What’s something different from your world that you’d love to hear and learn more about?

I want to do a tour that’s all riffs for every show and call it, “The Untethered Hole.”

A Porsche 911 is the man’s Birkin.

See me live for more warm and fuzzy quotes! 👇Get tickets and/or request me in your city! punchup.live/jms/follow

This Week at Helium | @CrashDummiesPod, Aaron Branch, @JMScomedy, @ZoltanCOMEDY! Grab tickets now: bit.ly/4h0DIJo

If you live in Minneapolis and have been thinking about coming to my show but feel weird because you'd be coming alone--GOOD NEWS! There's only one ticket left! THE UNIVERSE IS GIVING YOU A SIGN TO STOP BEING A PUSSY AND JUST COME LAUGH! ccu.stageti.me/e/jessica-mic… SEE YOU TONIGHT!

The failure of mainstream media to have adequately and fairly reported on the actions of ICE in the past does not negate how bad it was then nor does it change the reality of how dire the present situation is. Citizens are being murdered for exercising their rights. The government is blatantly gaslighting Americans. The FBI Director is infringing on our second amendment rights. And the FUCKING Clintons are trying to capitalize on the situation by using it not to testify about the Epstein files, which the Justice Department has been in breach of the law for not releasing them for over a month. You actually don't have to pick a side, guys. It's okay to hate them all.

If you only invoke the Second Amendment after children are murdered in their schools, but defend the government when it claims someone deserved to be executed for being legally armed, then you do not believe in the Second Amendment

THIS IS A BLATANT LIE: They are gaslighting us again. Under the Second Amendment and MN Stat. 624.714, permit holders may legally carry firearms in public, including during protests. The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that public carry is a constitutional right. Carrying a firearm does not legally constitute "inciting

Greg Bovino is openly threatening free speech. He says if you call federal agents “kidnappers” or “Gestapo,” there will be “consequences.” That’s intimidation.

Stars! They’re just like the rest of us! (Clinically depressed.)

Every multi-millionaire not demanding to know who is in the Epstein Files is in it and nothing besides the release of them will convince me otherwise.

BREAKING: ICE is violating civil rights in Minnesota by racially profiling U.S. citizens, including off duty police officers of color. Brooklyn Park Police Chief Bruley: "It has to stop." Arrest them, Chief.