@JMilesM profile picture
Miles McAlpin @JMilesM

I make dad jokes on Twitter and bootleg action figures on Instagram: @ SirCollectALot.

Joined February 2009
  • Tweets 14,727
  • Following 759
  • Followers 1,634
3,450 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
Miles McAlpin@JMilesM
3 Apr 2019
Why do they call it a eulogy and not thanks for coming to my dead talk?
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Get the transition glasses at @WarbyParker they said.
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Wemby looks like he’s never played basketball before. They’ll write books about these collapses.
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Texas needs to secede if Spurs lose this.
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“Now give Knicks fans an ounce of hope and then really break their hearts.”
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CRY LOUDER, KNICKS FANS 😂
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“One glass of Knicks fans’ tears please.”
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How small does your dick have to be to park like this?
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Miles McAlpin retweeted
Sir Collect-a-Lot@sircollectalot
May 21
New shirts just dropped. All sizes, $35 shipped. 🤙
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The Cavs might stink, folks.
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The chat on this illegal stream for the game is out of pocket.
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Miles McAlpin retweeted
DUDE Wipes
@DUDEwipes
May 18
Replying to @JMilesM
Hope you’ve found wipes
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“Hey, Siri - play Flake by Jack Johnson.”
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Miles McAlpin retweeted
Sir Collect-a-Lot@sircollectalot
May 17
“He just quit is corporate job to sell action figures he makes in his basement. Now have his wife tell him she’s pregnant when he walks in the door.”
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I’ve found god.
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Miles McAlpin retweeted
Sir Collect-a-Lot@sircollectalot
May 14
Going to invent a new kind of fart tonight.
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Miles McAlpin retweeted
Sir Collect-a-Lot@sircollectalot
May 12
Summer outfit sorted.
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AT&T might employ the dumbest people on god's green earth.
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Have depressed people tried iced coffee and Jack Johnson?
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I won’t tell anyone when I win the lottery, but there will be signs.
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Home is wherever I’m with you.
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