Does it get any better?
A husband who left home to play golf at 8:30 a.m. doesn’t return until 6:00 p.m. He knows he’s about to face the wrath of his wife.
As he opens the door, his obviously miffed wife says, “Where have you been? You said you’d be done with golf by 1:00 p.m. and home hours ago!”
The red-faced man stammers, “I’m really sorry, honey. I can tell you why I’m so late, but you’re only going to be even more angry with me.”
Now completely frosted, the wife says, “I want the truth, and I want it NOW!”
The husband says, “Okay, fine. We finished in just over four hours, then decided to get a beer in the clubhouse. I hopped in the car and would have been here by 1:00 p.m., but on the way home I spotted a pretty young woman struggling with a flat tire. I stopped and changed it for her. As I was wrapping up, she offered me money. Of course I said no, but she insisted on buying me a drink at the bar up the road. She was so nice that I agreed. Before long, one drink turned into three. She was quite beautiful, and when she suggested we go have a quickie at the no-tell motel next to the bar, I couldn’t resist. We got into a room, clothes started flying, and we had wild monkey love in every position imaginable. It must have gone on for a couple of hours, because when I looked up, the clock said 5:30 p.m. So I quickly dressed, jumped in the car, sped home, and here I am. You wanted the truth. There it is.”
The pissed-off wife, now realizing she’s married a complete imbecile, says, “Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn’t you!”