Banned from Duluth, Minnesota for having an overactive imagination
Joined October 2024
- Tweets 3,669
- Following 722
- Followers 1,263
- Likes 65,101
291 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
Jan 3
You piss me off so bad. Will you marry me
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Jun 12
Job interviewer asked about my biggest weakness and I looked him in the eyes and whimpered “you”
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Jun 12
I was born just at the right time to live a perfectly meaningless existence
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jeffrey retweeted
Jun 10
Me and my boys are going to The Shire for sex tourism
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Jun 11
Biting my fingernails and spitting them at my nephew for no particular reason
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jeffrey retweeted
Jun 10
me: i don’t think you were supposed to cut my arms and legs off
AI doctor: you’re absolutely right to push back. you are bleeding out
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Jun 9
Does anyone want to come over and wipe my tears while I apply to jobs
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Jun 6
I’m one bad day away from becoming an Austin Powers impersonator
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Jun 5
The love of your life isn’t at the bar or on dating apps, they’re at home watching the Secret of Skinwalker Ranch
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Jun 5
If the pond behind my apartment didn’t have turtles I would’ve ended it months ago
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Jun 4
An extraterrestrial entered my roommate’s bedroom through a wormhole and stole $40 off his dresser
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Jun 3
Applying to jobs feels like killing yourself without any of the joy
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Jun 2
I’m having a bad day, so I’m going to break no contact and text my ex to ruin hers too
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jeffrey retweeted
Jun 2
Let’s all become unemployed and move around in a pack
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