it's kind of impossible for you to say you're in favor of the new resort bus rules without making it seem like you hate poor people

Honestly surprised a Scary Movie camrip hasn’t already made its way on here.

Eternal Sunshine? Inception? The Hangover?

The Miz opens up on his current role on the WWE roster and helping the locker room become united: "My job right now as a WWE superstar is to make sure that when new people come into WWE, it's a gimmick that I'm a locker room leader, but I take it very seriously. "It might be like 'yeah Master Inspire Zone In, MIZ Method, I'm the locker room leader', but I want to make sure that when the new guys come up, they are successful in everything they can possibly do. "That is our job to make sure they're successful and feel as comfortable as possible, because I wasn't. I was ostracised, I was thrown out of the locker room, I was not wanted because everyone was like 'he's from the Real World and wants another 15 minutes of fame', they didn't understand how much I loved this business as a child. They didn't care. They were just like 'get this guy out of here'. "I don't want anyone to ever feel that coming into WWE, I want the best possible performance ever, and I think everyone's in the same boat, our locker room has mended together and is probably the best locker room I've seen. We play video games, talk to each other, give each other tips, we're always working together. "A lot of old timers hate (WWE Unreal). I love it, because it shows exactly how hard it is to be in WWE. Every single person counts, whether you're the microphone person, lighting, cameras, every person that works for WWE matters, so we're all trying to put forward the best product we can on television." (Almost Athletes with Dude Perfect)

So, The Deep is 100% gonna be the one to kill Homelander, isn’t he? #TheBoys5

The court ruled in your favor! Please private message us this winner statement and receive your prize! #ChilisFoodCourt

Got a meal from Burger King and it was expensive and undercooked, yours has to be better. #ChilisFoodCourt

Retweet if you’d rather see Aerial Tramway show up on SNL again than Domingo. 🚡🚡🚡🚡🚡🚡🚡🚡🚡 #SNL #SaturdayNightLive

There’s a movement to draft Barron Trump, but I think a campaign such as this would be more effective if it impacted someone Donald Trump knew personally.

Having Sia at the bottom makes the worst list since that one years ago that ranked all the fast food French fries and put Five Guys in last place.

When are @TedNivison and @eddyburback going to complete the trilogy and go to all the Bubba Gumps?

Somewhere... Lola Heatherton, Guy Caballero, and Johnny LaRue are having a drink together... 🙏💙

They’re gonna take Kristi Noem out back only for her to see a dog holding a shotgun

Why the fuck is the AI voice on this clip Mike Trapp from @dropout , someone let him know so he can sue.

5th Annual Ranking of Best Picture Nominees by how they sound when preceded by “Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville and this is…” 10. Marty Supreme 9. Sentimental Value 8. Frankenstein 7. The Secret Agent 6. Hamnet 5. F1 4. Train Dreams 3. Bugonia 2. Sinners 1. One Battle After Another

Once when I was in kindergarten I wanted to play Powerpuff Girls with some other kids at recess, but they told me I couldn’t because I wasn’t white, so this was like a warm hug to baby Willow

The collective Jackass cast should do the Criterion Closet, which we now know to be a van, while the van goes speeding down the highway careening round corners and the Jackass boys fly into the shelves trying to pick out and discuss art house films the entire time.

She's 91 years old and in a hospital gown. She was arrested for felony theft, and the judge couldn't believe what he was seeing. Helen and George, 91 and 88, had been married for 65 years. Their life ran on a strict schedule, dictated by George's severe heart failure and the 12 pills a day that kept him alive. They had always just scraped by. But last week, their supplemental insurance plan lapsed due to a missed payment they couldn't afford. When Helen went to the pharmacy to pick up George's monthly prescriptions, the pharmacist told her the total. It wasn't their usual $50 co-pay. It was $940. Helen went home with nothing. For three days, she watched George's health spiral. He was weak, confused, and his breathing became a wet, shallow rasp. She knew he didn't have much time. Terrified, she went back to the pharmacy. While the pharmacist was busy, she did the unthinkable. Her hands shaking, she swept the boxes of pills from the counter into her large purse and walked. She didn't even make it past the front sensors. The store manager stopped her. The police were called. At the station, as they processed her for felony-level shoplifting, her blood pressure spiked so high they thought she was having a stroke. An ambulance rushed her to the hospital. Now, it's the next morning. She was brought directly from her hospital bed for her arraignment, still in the thin blue gown, her frail wrists in chains. "I never thought I'd see a day like this, your honor," she whispered, her voice trembling. Judge Marcus looked at the charges, then at the tiny, terrified woman. He was visibly shaken, his face a mix of sorrow and disbelief. "Bailiff," he said, his voice quiet but firm. "Get those chains off her." He looked at the prosecutor. "Felony theft? For this woman?" "Your honor," Helen cried, "He couldn't breathe... I didn't know what to do. He's all I have. I just needed his medicine." The judge's expression hardened, but not at her. He was furious at the situation. "This is not a criminal," he said, his voice echoing in the silent court. "This is a failure of our system." He dismissed the charges instantly. But he wasn't done. He called an immediate recess and had his clerk call the hospital's social work department from the bench. "I am sending Mrs. Miller back to the hospital, and she is not to be billed," he ordered. "And I want a social worker at her home *today* to get her husband the medicine he needs and get them enrolled in an emergency assistance program. We will not let this happen."

Blue is for people that really would rather be playing solitaire.

I’d be a bitter, hateful asshole too if I fumbled Marion Ravenwood, who got me the Kama Sutra for Christmas. #scrooged