Daughter: I don't really want to do Jujitsu
Me: the sad thing here is that you may not like that I'm making you do it but there will likely come a time when you'll thank me for doing so.
Her: how do you keep your beard so soft?!
Me: a daily regiment of eating pussy to coat it in juice works a treat as a conditioner.
Her: *passes number*
Cute girl at the shop: shit I'm 20p short!
Me: here take this
Girl: I don't need charity
Me: fair point, consider it me buying your number?
Girl: very smooth *big smile*
Not a bad start to the day