I’m doing amazing, sweetie • she/her • as seen on buzzfeed that one time • Reese’s Goblin • wishlist: amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2J…

Joined February 2015
3,555 Photos and videos
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I started my microplastics journey early by enjoying the mouthfeel of Barbie shoes
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Uhh hi I’m your idiot neighbor and I’m going to set off fireworks in this neighborhood because I’m very stupid
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I lived, bitch (I got my gallbladder out last night, wooo)
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I don't persist because I'm brave, I persist because I am stupid.
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When you’re doing an at-home sleep study and you turned into a space bounty hunter about to go into sleep mode Thank you @RichieTJames, I love it so much! And if you do crimes, I’ll get you
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As a society we haven’t talked enough about the Build-A-Bear font and how terrible it is
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12 May 2020
“see side panel for cooking instructions” *flips box over* *flips box over* *flips box over* *flips box over* *flips box over* *flips box over* ... *flips box over*
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14 Dec 2022
Short people are so cute like, ok buddy good job
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15 Mar 2023
Gonna date a Flat Earther so they like my butt
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29 Jul 2019
Me, driving the getaway car: *uses turn signal*
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26 May 2019
Tweets something I’m really proud of Crickets Tweets something that’s just ok Crickets How are all these crickets getting in here Crickets Please help there’s too many Crickets They’re carrying me somewhere Crickets Oh hi thanks for stopping them are you single Crickets
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6 May 2021
Personally I like it when a man snores because it means he’s comfortable and sleeping and I can look through his wallet for cash
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29 Oct 2019
Cutting out the middle man and dating dopamine
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25 Apr 2022
My toxic trait is being convinced everyone is secretly talking about me, while also being convinced no one remembers that I exist at all
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1 May 2024
Please, somebody marry me and take me off my hands
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12 Jul 2021
Drive thru employee: hey I like your dress Me: thanks, it’s a nightgown
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19 Jul 2023
His full name is Air Conditioning Slater
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Doing the aunt thing where you send $14 to your nephew for his 14th birthday is kinda lame when $14 is basically 14¢ now
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Me: I’m not feeling well My mom: HELP ME TAKE CARE OF THIS BABY BIRD I FOUND
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Threw up so hard my stomach muscles hurt two days later. Gonna call that exercise
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Omg what if we kissed beneath the milky twilight and you led me out on the moonlit floor and lifted your open hand to strike up the band and make the fireflies dance in the silver moon's sparkling
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