The pastor who did our premarital counseling died about 2 years ago. The thing I remember the most was when we were talking about family expectations. Did we intend for me to stay at home with kids, were we fine with me working? We both gave a unanimous agreement for me to stay at home. He nodded and paused. He said, "That's good you're in agreement. I will give you one thing to hang onto when you walk through that. Marriage isn't about holding to the ideals of your youth. It's about loving the other person well as they grow and change, as life throws many challenges. That means as a couple you have to be flexible. Maybe she don't like staying at home. Maybe it works for awhile, and then it doesn't. Maybe the family needs the money. Maybe everything is fine, and you'll always stay home. But it's not about just loving the person they are now, it's committing to loving the person they will become. Your commitment is to each other, not your ideals."