25 yrs of peer-reviewed research. 4 yrs applying it to real people. Relationship consultant. Professor. Author. The science, translated honestly. 13M reached
Joined April 2019
- Tweets 4,411
- Following 1,787
- Followers 5,672
- Likes 4,452
449 Photos and videos
Pinned Tweet
Unpopular opinion from a relationship scientist:
You're not bad at relationships. You've just been given bad information.
You've read the books. Done the therapy. Still ending up in the same place.
That's fixable. 40,000 people are doing it here, every Thursday. Free. → psychologyofrelationships.su…
93
Remember, dating success relies on confidence and creating sparks. However, being a good relationship partner relies on emotional intelligence, communication, and character.
Make sure you're optimizing for what matters.
1
31
Peace feels boring when chaos feels normal.
That's the trap of toxic familiarity.
1
1
64
In healthy relationships, disagreements aren't destructive. They're opportunities to understand each other better.
That's the idea, anyway. What matters more than the disagreement is what you learn from it, especially early in dating.
Can they communicate when it's uncomfortable? Do they stay present or shut down? Do they get defensive or actually hear you?
The first solution to almost every relationship problem is communication. Find out early if your partner has it.
open.substack.com/pub/psycho…
2
69
When relationships go wrong, instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” ask:
- What can this teach me?
- How is this a gift?
- What will I recognize faster next time?
2
45
It sucks being the one in a relationship who notices problems, but then gets blamed for being negative. It’s like blaming the tsunami detector for warning about the impending tsunami.
48
The right relationship partner will want to ELEVATE you, not just ENTERTAIN you.
2
2
63
If someone watched your dating behavior for six months without hearing a word you said, what would they conclude you actually want?
Not what you say you want.
What your patterns reveal.
That question alone has cracked things open for more people than I can count.
open.substack.com/pub/psycho…
28
Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. retweeted
Two questions that help put your current relationship in perspective:
- Do you want your kids to have the kind of relationship you have?
- Do you want your kids to be the kind of person your partner is?
1
2
57
Simple test to see if your relationship has a chance…What’s it like hanging out with your partner on a regular plain old boring day?
1
50
Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. retweeted
Jun 10
Help our lab collect some data please!
Participate and share 🙏🏻
Were you raised in a two-parent household with your biological mother and father until at least age 18?
Please take part in my research on parental investment! *LINK IN COMMENTS*
Takes about 15-20 mins.
2
6
705
When relationships go wrong, instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” ask:
- What can this teach me?
- What will I recognize faster next time?
- How is this progress?
1
28
You’re not scared of commitment.
You’re scared of committing to the wrong person.
1
2
41
Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. retweeted
Jun 8
"The best [predictor] of happiness for ordinary Americans is not money, it's not career success, it's not sexual frequency, it's not even churchgoing, it's not self-rated health, it's. . . a good marriage." ~ Me to @yoalexrapz
7
35
247
39,593
A recent study found that when a woman is on her period, she naturally gets more clingy and protective of her man and guys are kinda into it.
Makes sense...a little bit of jealousy makes the man feel valued, which keeps the relationship happy.
journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs…
1
42
Being strategic about dating doesn't kill romance, it kills fiction.
Too many people date based on hope. That leads to heartbreak.
Dating based on reality is where real romance happens.
2
1
89
Getting hundreds of hits on your dating profile feels good.
But it also means there's a problem. You're wasting valuable time with people who aren’t all compatible because you haven’t been clear enough about who you are and what you want.
Focus more on authentic connection and less on superficial attention.
1
2
67
Getting out of a bad relationship and into a new one are two different tasks. Don't treat them as one.
1
17
Fact: You're never going to be fully ready.
Fact: You're as ready as you need to be right now.
Go do the thing. If not now, when?
1
1
64
Have you ever pulled back from a relationship, not because something went wrong, but because closeness itself felt like a warning sign?
There's a reason that happens. New research shows avoidant individuals perceive self-loss that others simply don't see.
The feeling is real. The threat isn't.
Worth understanding before you sabotage your relationship for no reason.
1
78