For those who have asked, yes, I do have an official position with the Brazil National Team.
I am their Professional Yeller. 🇧🇷⚽
My duties include:
⚽ Informing the referee that he may require corrective eyewear.
⚽ Explaining to Brazil's goalkeeper why leaving the box was a poor life choice.
⚽ Reminding Paquetá that bicycle kicks are not mandatory.
⚽ Advising Vini that another world-class goal would be greatly appreciated.
⚽ Providing tactical consultations from the couch between bites of spaghetti.
⚽ Diagnosing defensive errors from 1,000 miles away.
⚽ Celebrating goals before my food reaches my mouth.
⚽ Assuring everyone that "we are fine" immediately before a minor heart attack.
⚽ Reminding Neymar every time the camera finds him on the bench that this was not the time for a booboo.
Additional responsibilities may be assigned as the match progresses.
This position also applies to the United States, Argentina, and Iran National Teams on their respective match days.
Life is not easy. 🤣⚽🍝☕