my instructor thinks i’m getting quite advanced as a white belt but wants me to scalp some blues before i get “promoted,” the rankings don’t matter much to me but it’s fun to get better week by week. i’d say my two biggest holes rn are takedowns and playing guard. i have a very aggressive style and try to secure the top quickly in most fights, so i don’t play guard nearly as often unless i face much bigger players. i’ve fought two people with about six months of experience on me in the past few months, one of them i fought to a draw (twice), the other i tapped out in one match and fought to a draw in the second. the former was a bit smaller than me, the latter was bigger. although the former did better against me in terms of results, i only ever felt in danger of being tapped by the bigger opponenet — and i very nearly was, he had a RNC set up pretty tight, cutting off one of my carotids and i was only able to escape by pushing the arm, tucking my chin, and rolling to the loose side. it was very uncomfortable to feel the blood getting cut off to my brain, but discomfort doesn’t require a tap on its own, so i fought through it. bigger opponents are more fun for me for this reason, i love a man who can get on top of me, make me play guard, take my back, and credibly threaten a submission. i want to fight up a weight class in the next tournament, because it’s so fun to play at a physical disadvantage. i feel like a feral animal fighting for its life. i feel alive.