@MLBCels profile picture
MLBCels @MLBCels
Joined May 2026
  • Tweets 42
  • Following 1
  • Followers 285
19 Photos and videos
MLBCels retweeted
caroline :)@soonrightaway
Jun 7
baseball is an outdated pick for America’s “national pastime” tbh. if we were honest it would be “jacking off” instead
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9 run first inning hope someone stabs me on my walk home
MLBCels@MLBCels
Jun 7
Tried to find a bar with the Angels game and I finally found one. But this is the fuckin TV it’s on. Gonna talk to 0 women and I have to watch my squad get dicked down by the Dodgers on a goddamn laptop
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Tried to find a bar with the Angels game and I finally found one. But this is the fuckin TV it’s on. Gonna talk to 0 women and I have to watch my squad get dicked down by the Dodgers on a goddamn laptop
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Sometimes I see views like this and think “maybe I shouldn’t kill myself” And then the Twins go out and score two runs against the fucking Royals and suddenly I’m thinking of jumping
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God I miss when the Pirates bullpen was good If I was a reliever I’d be Brandon Cumpton cause I also shoot tons of cum due to my crippling porn addiction
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I jerk off during the Sausage Races cause those weiners make me feel so inadequate with my tiny baby dick and I get so angry I nut immediately
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Tried to fuck the Pringles can but as usual I can’t feel anything. My dick is way too small for it anyway. Maybe I’ll try one of those M&M mini tubes The Giants offense is almost as disgusting as I am
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How I feel walking around while uselesschudgoymaxxing today

ALT Joe Biden Loser GIF
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I feel the same. I’m srsly struggling to date again especially while trying to watch all 162 Rockies games this year. I tried the apps but I’m batting like Jordan Beck on them Never mind that im a fat unlovable Virgin who just made love to his mattress for the second time today
kayla@kayla_rose4
Jun 2
Looking for some genuine discourse, even tho it’s cringe. I’m srsly struggling to date again bc of my fear of being heartbroken. I really miss sharing life with someone & I long for all the milestones. But I’m scared to keep starting over & to be vulnerable again. Any wise words?
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Life is meaningless and I’m going to die alone and unloved
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Tried to play catch with my favorite player, Jesus Sanchez, today. Yeah he’s my favorite player cause I’m a weird little goblin chud. Anyway he turned around as I threw him my ball and I think I just ruined his season, along with getting banned from all MLB games for life
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Another Sunday alone at a minor league baseball game I promise you I’m lonely enough
keaton🫍@KeatonPotat0es
May 31
it’s just wild to me that baseball twitter simultaneously blames this woman for a teams loss while also just being straight vile. men aren’t lonely enough.
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Dodgers-Phillies is on at the bar rn that’s pretty cool Nobody is within 3 seats of me here, people would rather stand than be near me cause I’m so fucking repulsive. Roki Sasaki is dealing tonight
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*matt vasgersian voice* here comes the windup, and the pitch, and ohhhh fuck im too scared to talk to her santa maria
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Yeah man I’ve been Blubaugh’d by women so many times too I feel you
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I’m what they call a 3 outcome hitter at the bar Strikeout swinging, strikeout looking, and walks Ask a girl out and get rejected? Strikeout swinging Smile at a girl across the bar and get a look of disgust? Caught looking Leave without even attempting to talk to a girl? Walk
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Just got ghosted by a chubby girl. This is like offering Rowdy Tellez a major league deal and getting turned down
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Sending a girl a DM on Instagram that she then posts on her private story like I’m Javy Baez swinging at pitches 2 feet out of the strike zone
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Finally pulled a girl last night at the bar and when we were on the way out I accidentally bumped into an elderly woman and told her to “suck my fucking dick bitch.” This girl left me after that. I PCA’d a 99% catch probability fly ball
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I was talking to a girl named Ashley one time, and her friend across the bar said “Stop talking to her. You are scarin’ ashley” I said “Aaron Ashby?” and they scurried away. I had spent $49 on a shot of Don Julio 1942 for her. Aaron Ashby had 2 strikeouts today.
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