Every time I turn on my phone from Shabbat, I hold my breath out of fear of bad news. Every time I read about a soldier killed, I hold my breath out of fear that itās a family member or a son of a close friend.
Itās selfish of me. What does it matter if I know them? But I have such deep trauma from my brother, that this is my bodyās response, holding my breath.
Till today, I was able to exhale.
Tonight Iām not.
Tonight I lost someone special. A neighbor and a close friendās son.
This kid was a special one.
The entire neighborhood here is in shock. No one has any words.
The family obviously knows as do the close friends. His name has not been released yet, so I wonāt write it but I am just devastated.
The community email just hit my inbox.
I havenāt cried this hard since Ari was murdered.
I want to be strong and say how important this war is and how badly we need to win at all costs but the costs are becoming unbearable.
This kidās parents are some of the best people I know in the world. They are raising a downs syndrome kid and the love they show this kid is just, no words.
And now this. They lose their other son.
Honestly even before I got the call from my son to tell me what had happened, I had a very bad feeling. I told a friend that I need to disconnect, that I was having a moment. And then I got the call.
Tonight, I canāt exhale. The tears are flowing and honestly, I canāt take much more of this. No one can.
I want to give a positive message here but honestly, I canāt. Iām all out right now. Iām devastated and heart broken.
I guess all I have left in me is to ask Hashem to make it end.
The suffering is too painful. Please Hashem, make it stop.
Someone once told me that we lose the good ones because Hashem wants them near him. This definitely feels like the truth tonight.
What a tragedy. What a loss. Itās impossible.